miss baby

2009-07-24T20:22:00.004+08:00

My love, idk what to say seriously, I thought we'd last long, ppl tried breaking us up but I tried all my love to trust you and its just been a while and we're losing each other, Is it me or is it you? First its your family probs but I know i was being selfish thinking of myself wanting to be get what i want without thinking abt your probs, and now wassup with you? You broke my heart you made me mad you made me cry in the middle of my sleep in class, at home, I just wonder what you got to tell me, i just wanna talk to you one on one and catch up, your probs aint the excuses, i dont wanna be mean neither do i want you to be, so tell me all abt it, tell me so, you said im still your gf, and why wont you say what you want what you really want, you changed, everyone does but you changed too fast, :( and tell me is it over?
tmr will be going to Dairy farm with sweethearts:) happy but inside i feel like im troubled why?!!! friends i used to be close aint close but now at least in sch im managing :) and then after dairy farm maybe going to meet the rest then go cityhall watch firworks and dinner :D and shisha, i wanna kill myself, i hate myself being so weak over other ppl, why must i?!!!
Leave leave leave, nothing i love will last long, now i dont dare to love, im scared i'll lose "them" the ones i love, i dont want! But i cant control the fate:(

2009-07-18T00:02:00.007+08:00

GOT myself thse specs hehe:)

more pics and my words from my big big big heart below, haha:D

Love you so, heheIm sorry, if i did made you angry anyone, forgives, and friends oka, :D
cute or what hahahaahhaha

Smile, laugh out loud, cry out loud,

Some cute guy I saw at the ZOO hehehe :DD

Went back to sch alone to take my testimonial and sch was empty, heh, so took this stairs, My friend and me used to climb up from here whenever we're late hahah, EXERCISE WHoa hahah

This tree is a Rambutan tree, I plucked Rambutans from here b4 going over to my friend's place to meet her Mommy hahhahah, I know I know cheapo heheh, :D

This bus stop in front my sec sch, the seats, my clique wuld sit there for hours after sch and think where to go and ended up always going to my friend's place 15mins walk from that bus stop hahaha, MY CLIQUE:D hhahhahaah Me right in front front front sit, can find? hahahah the short hair one hahahaha :D

My CP friends, I miss them :D i wished those times would still stay same, ''/

anyway, I look funny hahhahha, and Mr leonard in this pic his smile here is the best :) hehe

We represent heheehe drifted like tokyo drift heheh, im so lame, anyway, misses

DABIAN! I know i could find a real friend in you:) thank you, and sorry for being mean at times cause i just dont wanna drag you into my probs thats why but I love you still DABIAN! :D

THOSE PICS up there are for ppl I random sees ''/ and misses them but still many more but those are just a few,

Ok many things to blog abt, currently hooked onto many things, MILK, MILK TEA,BE WITH YOU BY AKON,EGG TART,SCH :D
Im HAPPY Scooling now i guess, im tryna get my love through my frens, cause i find joy from them now, they're make me laugh and cry but I'd still laugh, cause i Know they dont mean things they say or do at times, cause my love for them is real:D TEST SOON! Gotta study wanna pass it with better grades, wanna prove that Im not BLUR! :D

AND NO ONE KNOWS IM INTO YOU, Idk, you! YOU! you! asked if Im not not over you, i can tell you I am, but I am not i know its silly, idk whats going in your mind, why wont you talk to me, why do you make things feel more awkward, just talk to me and i think things will be better. dont you thinks so? and i told you im over you cause i don't wanna be make fun of or sound foolish cause its silly being into you for nth and just for the way i feel inside,

And BOY, Idk whats going on, whats happenening to us? Its just a month and we're driftting is it cause im lousy i guess its me, I wished you'd call at times instead of messaging and makng the effort since you said you love me and cares, and I alread dont care what other ppl thinks of you, but it seems like its all to late huh, Im sorry if im a bad gf. and i've deleted your number so im not gonna do anything abt it anymore and i guess its over, i guess, I dont feel like im in love, I rmb you said you wnt give up getting my love and I know you're having probs true or not, i trust you, but still you dont have to treat me like this. get it? I dont wanna walk away when you're having probs i dont wanna do it again repeat my mistake again so im gonna give us a nother chance yeah LOVE?

BESTIE (FZ)- I gave up hope on you, you seem stubborn I don't think being your friend is worthit but Im gonna forget all that you've accused me for, Talk to me whenever you want. And i hope you dont let this friendship end like this.

And soon, I'll be having curfew tooo, and more spending time with aunts and uncles :D i dont mind, cause i've been feeling lonely so Im gonna like this:) I can be a GOod girl then hehehe.

God, forgive me for what I've done and sinned being so negative and hating myself and depending everything on you, Thank you for not giving up on me and forgiving me, thank you,

Thank you mommy I know you'll be watching me guarding me, I love you

2009-07-10T21:43:00.003+08:00

SOMETHING TO EXPLAIN HERE!

I AIN'T THAT BORED AND YOU GUYS AREN'T THAT POPULAR FOR ME TO TALK ABT!

STOP THINKING THAT IT'S ME GOING AROUND TALKING ABT EVERYTHING AND IM NOT ACTINF CUKING DAMN SO STOP FCUKING HELL STOP THINKING IN A NARROW WAY.

IM NOT SO LAME TO TALK ABT YOU TWO WTF FOR WILL I GAIN AND I FCUKING HELL DONT KNOW ANYTHING AND BLAMING ME FROM THE BAKC IS STUPID.

COME ASK ME STRAIGHT DONT SAY BEHIND MY BACK AND PUT WORDS IN TO MY MOUTH!

AND BESTIE (FZ) IF YOU COULD JUST STOP BLAMING ME EVERYTIME.

IDK WHATS GOING ON WTF ARE YOU BLAMING FOR ALL THE FCUKING THINGS YOU GUYS HEAR.

I SAID SO THAT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

SO IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME DON'T ASK AND DONT ANYHOW BLAMING THINGS ON ME JUST SO YOU HEARD IT FROM PPL. WTF.

I'VE GOT MY LIMITS TOO. STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF ONLY. I JUST HOPE YOU'D OPEN YOUR EARS AND EYES PROPERLY.

IM NOT THAT FCUKING LAME SO DONT BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING JUST CAUSE IM BEING NICE ALL THE TIME!

2009-07-05T11:48:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROZANA!!!!

Thank you for being my friend!!!:D

Its been quite a while i've touched my blogg, the blogger wouldn't let me post out my posts, anyway, tmr sch starts again, 1.2 nursing. Same form teacher and class :D im glad so heheh. Im gonna study hard the new term and be a good girl and i promise that oka! :) ahhahahaha i wanna make my aunts who were there for me all these while ever since mommy is gone and dad proud. Cause I've realised I've changed a lot to a not so good person so i wanna be a good girl once again like i used to be when mommy was still around yeah, hopefully my laziness and other stuff wont distract me. Oh well i shall have faith in myself! Watch me!:D

Don't wanna be drifted from my loved ones,

2009-06-14T15:09:00.005+08:00

DABIAN AND ME <3

I look like crap here hahha, show i've been working hard:D

Ward 46 room 24 & etc my fav staffs and Enrolled nurses, :D Im gonna miss them, the last week with them was fun and more fun :) I seriously learned a lot, but I still need to improve on my professional actions and the way i stand hahahah, hmm, fun yes,:) and two more weeks to go! hahah, I hope by then my cp frens we'll be still as close yeah, but im excited to meet JNo901F:) see how they're been, hmm, reading their blogs they all seemed fine :) im glad, counting down days to go to meet all of you! :D

I miss my clique in sec sch, i've seen the videos, its been really fun and retarded then it cheered up my day, maybe only when we're not meeting and not that close anymore, we'll know how much we miss being together, maybe we must get separated a while and knows then that everyone of us actually existed yeah, correct me if Im wrong, anyway, today my heart broke again, i saw the fb pics, labels girlfriends/bitches, then i just had do dig a bigger hole for myself in my heart to read one of the comment and it actually hurt me and got me thinking too much i guess, I knw im not perfect but I cant beleive a small incident made us 4 or me apart from you 3? Perhaps that was meant to happened, idk whats going on, but Am i glad, i still got my besties and outside frens to count on, though i wished that day didn't happened,

Im sorry Linda and Jinliang yeah, for not turning up straight, Im sorry, Im realy tired, i hope you'll read this yeah, Im really sorry for turning back on my word and not turning up, I miss all of you too,

Ytd, chat with bestie, he told me stuff abt my recent bf and i was shocked that my bf was not what i thought, so Im breaking down hoping im not being brainwashed by him, and Baby, its not that i dont trust you and trust others, but why would my frens tell me stuff abt you this way, why would they even have things to say, but Yeah, im lost, I felt you lost me, or neither i lost you, sigh i lost my gfs already i guess and now im thinking i've already lost you thoguth you said you'll get my love back,

why? why do i love ppl so much until they could hurt me so deep, I wanna be so mean, so that i'll be so cold blooded not love anyone, I really wished I didn't had so much love inside to give away adn ppl treating it like shit, my love is sincere no matter what, but why do i get hurt so easily, why!!!

2009-06-08T21:37:00.002+08:00

BABY, WON'T YOU TAKE ME OUT OF THIS CLUB, I WANNA BE WITH YOU

I SMILED ENOUGH, I FLIRTED ENOUGH,I POSED ENOUGH, I FREAKED ENOUGH,I PARTY ENOUGH, I DRANK ENOUGH

Baby, im missing you right now, you owned me from the day you made me special, you were so diff I found you special, now, my mind is all abt you, you made me feel diff everytime when Im with you, baby, im in love with you,

Im hungry Im hungry of love, Love from my girlfriends, am I overly loving them idk but i feel so. Stupid case not over yet, Im tired tired of what I've done repaying it by the way I feel,
Im loving my clinical attachment they're fun, lovable, and all i know is they make me feel alive around, ahahhahhah, I love you guys! And counting down the days to go back to sch, Im actually thinking of someone but Idk abt him, at times I feel like asking him, do you or have you think of me b4 but I know he wnt say,

2009-06-02T00:55:00.003+08:00

Oh dear, the emo me is here, im high when i go for my attachment, now is polyclinic attachment, hmm, my friends, they think im insane cause i was so high, its not that i high its just that i dont want the way i feel deep inside to effet the ppl around me, but then its still fun being with them for attachment :)

Im missing Shane already ''/ he leaving overseas with his dad for buisness for 5 bloody months, and i told him, leave anyway im used to it, :( no one to spoil me anymore, and

"HE" got a new girl now, should i be happy, but idk why do i feel so much for "HIM" even it was just a moment :( , hmm,

anyway, its just gonna be a new start with someone else, YOUR imperfections make things perfect the way you try to understand me, trust me, trying to win me over, Im starting to like the feeling of it, :) yes I do,

I miss you girls so much, but you girls seem to have probs too, idk who to go to, but I love you girls,

P.S to friends, everyone is still my friend no matter what, :) PlS Cheer up everyone, :D esp, M,G,P...................

2009-05-17T18:21:00.005+08:00

Did I lose weight?? hahha, I lost 3kg but my body like no diff eh, heh :(

oka peeps! today post is a long one oka, so take your time to read, :D

did I lose weight? hm*

MISSES NOW can't wait to see them all, I'm rich cause they're all my friends, I'm a rich girl :D

JNO9O1F

Im at the back beside mdm masni :)

BEST FRIENDS far from me yet near,

im the girl in blue :)

CLIQUE:D BL-S

Im at the front row 4th beside Debra, from the left :)

Clique :D BL-s

im the girl in blueeee :D

Dear and me :D i miss you dear, i know i've been not a good girl, heh, i don't know if you understand what im saying hahah, but im sure you'll understand this, Iloveyou, thanks for bringing lunch box/breakfast for me during sch recess, I love you and i really appreciates it love you!

LURB and me! hmm, i know we've drifted cause of me, Im such a bad friend, but I don't want us to drift to that extend yeah over small stuff, I love you too :)

Garett and me :D hmm, I know myself I loved you the most and been too overly nice to you if im not wrong, I know you got lots of probs, I wanna be there with you but I seems like just talking but no actions but I really wanna be there with you, for you, understands you,someone you can cry to, smile with, but Im really a lousy very lousy friend, heh, If you didn't know, i wanna say I love you lots too :D

Hmm, know what? I just realise all the pics up there im wearing blue, hahhah, wth, oka la, I know I sounded super dramatic up there with all the mushy words, cause today stayed home so was very free and happened to miss those ppl up there, got more ppl but erm, my lappy will lag if i upload everything hahah, anyways, words cant explain my love, my feelings the way I feel now, and Im the type of person will only give in to the person i think worth it like my friends friends i treasure and if you're not the one I treasure too bad haha, so if you know who im talking abt, yeah, and pls la, dont try to be someone you're not la gosh its making me puke heh, Its freaking me and grossed me out, heheh

Things I wanna do most now!

Go to sentosa play volley ball
Go east coast learn cycling/rollerblading
Go swimming thanks to Faridah my swimming skills better haha :D
Go K-Box! Randoms, haha
Go ice-skating :D
Go to the Zoo soon yeah?!?!
And stop all sinful kinda stuff eg-clubbing,drinking,flirting.etc and I today told Love i'll stop ahem* _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Today, i made a bet with LOVE, to lose weight to 50kgs, hahah i know its still heavy but slowly cause im now like ermsss heheh, 57kg?!!?!! gosh! heavy la, don't laugh at me oka! RARR! so a bet with him was to lose weight within 1 month to 50kg! haaha, then he'll have to build up his abs la ceps la wtv la, hahah, so within 1 month! then we compare! hahha, and the looser have to do something, hahahah, and LOVE! save up money cause im gonna make you buy the moon and stars for me and Im gonna win!!!! Muahahahahhaha

Hmm, Im not being fussy over relationships, I just don't wanna be with the wrong person, and to me first impressions counts then the feeling counts so Im not being fussy, am I? Im not la yeah, Hmm, maybe I should stay single? Should I? Since it all turns out wrong, hmpf* So shall I just stay single? hmmm, current thing I wanna do is to leave everything behind and be with my mommy :(

2009-05-16T19:19:00.003+08:00

Pictures from ytd's outing, :D150509

blur ones somemore heheh

Ytd, went back to sch to pass back the donation card and went out to slack with these two ahem* heheh they accompanied me until 5-6pm b4 I go meet JinLiang & co, then met JinLiang&co had fun made new friends I supposed, heheh, but it was fun, though i was tired,

TODAY!

the pic uh, took when i just woke up, see how tired I looked! heheh

Today supposingly to meet JinLiang at Jurongeastfor some function but felt tired and headache so didn't turn up, so I stayed home whole day, sleep wake up, sleep wake up, though last night I talked to someone till going 3am, hahaha Im going to the zoo with him, Im excited! then just hmm, monday attachment starts again -_- so the zoo outing with him gonna be delayed right my outdated uncle? hahah, I cant wait to see you and see the animals in the zoo! hahhahaha, I wanna straighten my hair, should i? hmm, probably when the next holiday la, heh

2009-05-15T00:17:00.003+08:00

work it!
Today got lost in sch for bio lesson hahah, then met Jin liang at tamp again, then ate dinner then walked around then she sent me home hahhhaha, sweet right! haha, tmr going sch again -_- heh,

2009-05-13T23:38:00.003+08:00

CANDY KISSES

Today went sch for bio lesson, met friend-s at simei mrt cause my friend fetch me to sch! hahha, :D thank you! then walked to sch, the weather was like effing hot! though i don't mind it hot cause i can sweat fats off but it was at the right moment, heh, what am i talking abt-_- was suppossed to meet pris lim after sch but didn't so went to tamp mall 1 to have dinner and walked around with friends, then went to find someone on the way back home then came home early cause tmr need to wake up early. Oh well, tmr im meeting Jin Liang, YAAY! hahah, but after my bio lesson again she said she'll come fetch me! hahah, Im hourned! heh, Im seriously gaining back the weight I lost last few days, Gosh! why am i so lazy, if only i can get rid of this laziness in me, im sure I'll feel a lot better inside out, NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!! :( anyway, attachment starting soon again i guess, so it should be not so boring and I hope it'll be still as fun yeap! NIGHTS PPL! loves, (:

2009-05-13T00:36:00.002+08:00

I feel so untouched,

Been going back to sch for extra lessons, -_- got a new bag! hahhaha, hmm, why does everything seems so good in the beggining and why does the worst have to always come, why cant it be all nice till the end, and why does it even have to end why do I feel like its all just for a while, why cant it all last all sweet memories why?!?!?! I try to make things stay sweet but why do I try so much when its nth to do with me, why do I try to make everyone happy turning it all the other way round, why do I lose out in the end, why didn't I gain something, I guess I was just lousy,

2009-05-11T00:44:00.003+08:00

Dad and mom

JN0901F
Oka, finally made the effort to blog again, cause I was too lazy and busy these few days and lappy kept hanging, so anyway, changed blog song but its turning weird, heh, didn't actually went for shisha on sat cause friends didn't reply my friend's text so went expo with Jin liang & co instead glad met up with them,(: they were nice ppl I know that will be there for me love me for who I am understands me, will not climb over my head, and I know I can share everything with them,

Thank you god for all my friends, my aunts and uncles whom been there for me through big times, thank you dad for still loving me though im naughty, mom I hope you're happy with God and guiding and watching over me, Anyway, im gonna go back to work soon as Im having super annoyingly holiday at the wrong time, and its so waste and boring holiday,

I miss My class JN0901F and CP friends seriously, I feel lonely at times very lonely esp when Im home, everyone's asleep nth to talk abt cause idk where to start or whether they would understand, I miss mommy,daddy,friends,ex, miss having the feeling of being loved,taken care of concerned where I am, I think im dying in sins cause i know I've done a lot of unhealthy things, I wanna stop but I cant and God im asking you to guide me through making me stronger not weaker, guide me and help me cause i wanna stop I wanna live a healthy life with having healthy friends around that won't make me weaker or hate myself more for what I have but love my self more what I have now, I think Im very blessed, very in some sense I am,

lastly I hope you are happy, loved, satisfied, healthy and everything good, whoever you are reading this, (: cause im sure there things that you can smile and ppl whom love you, oka, why do i sound like im telling all these to myself, heh, anyway, just be happy for whatever you have, be happy that not everyone is satisfied with you so that you can improve, be satisfied with just everything, don't let others overcome you the way you feel, I knw I do, but i still smile and I know what and where i've wronged and acknowledge my mistakes, cause Im still a human, I make mistakes, learn and my biggest mistakes are being too weak in everything, sigh, I wanna become stronger, Im gonna be stronger,

2009-04-29T00:12:00.004+08:00

BATGIRL & BATMAN:D

Attachment is getting fun yet hard to leave now cause changing ward after next week gonna miss everyone there, the staff ppl,): anyway, friday out with my beloveds, I love you 3 much its countless,priceless cant be measured, I hope you 3 would always be happy and things would go well for you all, and sat going for service with Jin liang etc.... been not working, that last sun worked was fun, hahha, didn't do much and I was given a big pizza large size for free just cause i wanna eat, hahahha, made new frens! but dont seem to be contacting them, though its fun being with them cause they make me laugh and i love ppl like that even if they dont have the looks i want hahahhahahaa, no offenceeeeeee, hehe, cant wait for fri, and next week sat, going for sheeeeesha with my attachment friends, hahahah, ((((: loves, I love you 3 girls, Im sure im saying you (: <3

2009-04-25T21:15:00.002+08:00

SWEET,SUGAR,CANDYMAN YOU'RE MINE

I miss HIM! Someone today found out who he is and she know him! hahahhaahahah, she said he is cute, wth i thought he was just oka oka only heh, anyway, I miss him badly, thought it ws just a moment of fun, I miss him, if I had the chance to turn back the clock, I'll lock him down, hahhahahaah,

Your kisses thick lips and cuteness of you makes my heart go wild! But too bad you're not mine anymore):

2009-04-20T23:43:00.003+08:00

BUST IT!

got my phone back, so can call or text me if you wanna(: hmm, sat-180409 went to work at demsey hill angel's share, tiring and pissed off of some stuff like i was left behind, hmm, dont wanna talk abt it, anyway, it was just a moment i felt that way, cause after that i felt better talking to other ppl(: hmm, then, sunday190409 went to meet uncle at city hall and went off to aunt jaqcuiline's place to eat for dinner she got 5 dogs! heh, aunt susan fetched me and went to visit aunt lucila at her place cause she had operation, but instead they had to worry bat my life): i felt like i was a burden but they tried so hard not to make me feel that way so, then today morning went raffles to meet someone important, then offed to sch, met Jivinia and her bf sweet stuff she sends him to the hospital everyday((: sweet huh, heh,

I wanna be with someone I wanna be satisfy with if you get what i mean, I know im not perfect and im not that all that but I still wanna get what I want, so if you dont satisfy my needs, im sorry, but I dont have needs I just wanna be with someone Im satisfy, I'll shall not be choosy for the better heh, I don't think im making sense eh, heheh, anyway, nights!(: Im a good girl now:D

2009-04-17T00:38:00.002+08:00

NOT GONNA GIVE UP EASILY!

Oka, been blogging nowdays eh, heh, im getting use to not using my phone))): Today, first actual day for me to start my attachment heh, been sent to all male ward, freak ou,t heh, if only all the males were cute I dont mind, hahhaha, -_- anyway, on the way to the ward ths afternoon, I saw Jivnia, and Bf eh ,hahhaha, oka, im getting jealous cause suddenly everyone is having serious relationship and left me, heh, oka, not everyone la, hahaha, I don't wanna waste time on ppl whom don't have that much space m my heart eh, so yeah, heh, my phone is dead, I wonder if Shane contacted me, but I wanna call him, ): if he was here he would be only one to spoil me, wassup with me, I feel yet Im losing ppl I love and yet I feel I've found more new ones, so is it good or bad ): heh,

2009-04-15T20:07:00.002+08:00

Get Original!

Oh today woke up early for my school attachment and when I reached there my teacher asked me go home cause of my eyes being RED hahhah, so i went around and went to the doc for an MC heh, lameeee waste $$$ esp when Im broke heh, anyway, it wasn't much, and went to pay for my phone bill, slowlly, heh, and cause my bill wasn't settle the cancelled the line pathetic heh, and my the other card is dead hahhah, wassup with me, hahha, bankrupt and broke, heh, so yeah, sorry guys if you guys tried t ocontact me and I cant reply or get through heh, GUESS what hahah, today cause I was so broke, I told this guy, i'll date him for 1 week if he gets me what I want I felt so retarded saying that heh, cause it was all bullshits heh, tmr back to attachments ): till 9pm):

P.S- Nth is gonna go into my ears if you're not my concerns,(: cheers(:

2009-04-14T21:05:00.002+08:00

IM A BEAST WHEN YOU TURN ME ON

Im currently in love with the song BOOM BOOM POW - blackeyedpeas(:

Yaaaaaaaayyyy, IM free finally, hahahha, like finally, hahhaha, free from my worst night mare!, yaaaaaaaaaay, My dear friend, I hope you'll be fine too alrights? It all in just matter of time,

Free now, ahhahhaha, im on the next level, stronger, ready for anything, cause Im glad that Im still here (: and attachments should be alright, hahha, just give it all my best as long as I know what Im doing, heheh, yupp, it cant bring me down huh besides my tiredness I should be alright, super sonic :D so bring it on, heh, Im so happy now((((: LISTEN UP YO"S - hhaha, Im gonna work at demsley hill one of the pub on every sat, oh yeah, hahahah but i've not started yet heheh, new friends(: and new stuff to learn, yes yes yes, I like that, uh huh, hahahha, Im not gonna give a damn to ppl who turns me off, cause I dont need them, hahhaha, just gonna keep on be my self and do what I wanna do and not gonna be MISS NICE anymore to the extend listening to ppl's shits and giving in so many anymore, so if you dont like it fine with it, so its all gonna be a new me(: like it or not

I hate

whom tryna act like someone they're not
ppl whom critcise other ppl when they themselve are like not even up to the standard
whom spoil the fun
whom are immature
whom think they're so smart
whom act like they know it all -__-
whom hurt my friends/criticise my friends if they're like wtf (:
whom are self centred

The end world peace ppls!:D

2009-04-12T22:34:00.004+08:00

Im scared, I hates mondays its always a bad day for me, I just hope mon would never comes, but yet, i want the prob to be over soon, sigh, Im regretting now, why now I ask myself, I know I deserve it all but i don't want the ppl whom love me spent all the effort on me to be wasted, God, I promise, I promise if everything tmr goes well, I promise I'll do anything to change and be a good girl, I'll be a good girl, I'll change my self for the better, I promise, I don't want everything to end here, Now I cant sleep, my legs are weak, I've got nth in my mind but whats gonna happen tmr, sigh, God guide me, save me, I promise, I'll stop and not sin anymore, I don't want to take what I have for granted anymore, my freedom and everything, I just wanna study hard, forgive me, I dont wanna go to that place again, pls, sigh, Im very scared, Idk who to talk abt this prob, but after mon, if you dont see me blog again, then Im saying goodbye to everyone, But I hope there wont be goodbyes, but I hopes, I wish, I'll do anything to live a normal life, I just need another chance to show that I can change better,

2009-04-10T22:54:00.000+08:00

Im scared im so scared I’ll lose everything over one night, I don’t want the time to come so fast, I don’t want that day to come,suddenly I want things to go slow, everything, I don’t wanna lose everything just like this, and if you know what im talking abt, I swear im scared but I know its all to late now, why was I so stubborn and so dumb that time, and I wanna to turn it all around, idk, Im so scared, I just want someone to be here for me cause im so scared I just want this ensure feeling with a hug a shoulder to cry on sweet nothings but I know it won’t change what I’ve done sigh, Im really scared to go on, sigh, feeling like a fool that time, sigh, it started and I just want it to end which it shouldn’t have even started, why was I so stupid, why am I so stupid! Why am I stupid everytime letting everything ruin me knowing right and wrong, damn I hate myself for everything I did, if it all ends here and worst to worst comes, I really don’t understand whats the point of me living, Now, I’ve only got God to turn to, I’ve realise god is helping some how, but I really don’t want the worst to come, I wanna be living normally not thinking too much, damn, save me God, I know I’ve took everything for granted, it all just a playful part of me, save me, protect me, guide me, be there for me when I fall
Im sorry,

2009-04-10T02:41:00.003+08:00

hmm, when i woke up this morning go this call and it screwed my mood couldn't sleep anymore when esp it all sound like oka, damn, i hope nothin' would go wrong, sigh, i dont wanna shatter all my dreams and the ppl whom's hopes are on me, im dying, feeling restless though i look alright outside): im not, i cant stand it, the feeling is killing me, anyway, Im happy enough for my life after that day's bus stop incident, i realised im lucky to have so many nice ppl around me, my family, aunts,friends,mentors,everyone, and God pls forgive me, im sorry, pls dont make me lose everything just like this pls, neither do i want to lose anything in the end, Im sorry,

I want

someone whom can prove me love is sweet
someone whom can make me forget the things that makes me unhappy,
someone whom will try to be there for me
someone whom understands me
someone whom knows me for who i am-

2009-04-08T03:52:00.003+08:00

Nothin' crying for Nothin' mad at for, Baby can we make up now, I don't wanna go to bed mad at you,

I wish i had the power the power to change the world but Im just one girl tryna do it my own, could someone help me, help me change the world

I want

someone whom makes me laugh
someone whom love me for whom I am
someone to love me more than i do
to quit all bad stuff
to lose weight^^
to spend times with someone i love
to be cheerful
to be positive
to study hard
to escape all problems
to stop thinking too much
all bad ppl to leave me alone
all troubles to go away
wanna stop missing ppl!!!
money,clothes,accessories,shoes,diamonds,house, car,
to sleep late everyday
to be more myself
learn to appreciate what i have now
to party!
to drink!
eat all my fav food everyday and not grow fat
change the world

2009-04-05T12:16:00.090+08:00

oh yeah! finally done uploading pics! hahha, many tons of pics, hahah, some unglams some just no comments anyway, enjoy sweets:D pics tooken on fri meeting up with poh chinglilili haha after her sch, whoa! she got into NYJC yo haha, then sat mornig sent my cousin to airport then off to sentosa to meet my 4 fav girls after so many months not meeting hahha:D

Pictures of you, pictures of me:))

ME & Poh Chingli-chingalingaling hahah

foood we were eating non stop till we've got no more money, hahha dont look much though haha

CUPPACCINO!!!!!!! <3

off to marina square for shopping!:D

Sat4thapril sent my cousin to the airport she going back):

her bro my cousin too he sending too but the way back to the country

then SENTOSA!!! Yaay, meet up with my bffs! :D

and erm, thats a airbrushed tattoo STAR! hahha, friends dont want me getting a real one): nvm la, hahha

Manyan and me! we were left alone at night:D so camwhore and talk talk heheh

PRudence and me:D

Prudence feeding noodles,

From left Garett,Prudence,Me&Manyan :D

Oka, i cant rmb what i was tryna do but i look oh yeah retarted, heh

Me & Garett:D

Aww, erm, "she" Garett is Hot to me she is oh welll i know im not but erm no comments heheh

Garett and i know she look like she did not wore anything huh, but she did its the pole covering hahha, imagine the ahem" the size so small can be covered by a pole, hahha jknz:D

It rained on our way to the toilet thats why we looked heh,

i like this pic! cause i look fair but i aint that fair):

2009-04-01T01:49:00.005+08:00

So many things to say and I'll put them in a letter, through it might be easier the words might come out better, So many things I wanna know the ans to wish i could rewind and rewrite every line,Don't you know I've tried to let go of you and get you out of my mind but it ain't getting any better as each day goes by, Im lost and confused, I've got nothing to lose, Tried to erase the way your kisses taste but some things a girl cant forget. P.S(I'm not over you)

Baby, when we first met,I never felt so strong, all of a sudden when its all over I didn't know how to follow, like a shot, my heart feeling so empty and hollow. And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you. And now I feel, you're the reason why I'm thinking, I don't wanna smoke all those cigg no more, I should've never let you into my door, it's like i've checked into rehab, Baby, you're my disease. But anytime you need me, i'd be there it's like you're my fav drug, But i now know that its not meant to be, You gota go, I gotta win myself over you

words taken from, Rihanna-P.S I'm not over you & Rehab

2009-03-29T00:42:00.003+08:00

Oka, today Im feeling better than ytd after so many break downs and thinking, now, seriously i wanna stop all the flings and everything, cause I had enough, its fun yet tiring, now I just wanna take things more maturely and seriously after many fears, I find what my friend said was right, Shane you're the best one of my life, but Idk if I wanna go further than what we are now cause Im really scared to lose you cause I don't think I can have any one else that makes me feel as comfortable as you do to me and accept me for who I am, and like what my friend said you dont ask for kisses or anything more you just stay there cheer me up and would go to any distance for me and thats what I've been looking for, but I guess things btwn you and me are diff now cause Im scared Im scared to ask you to be mine yet again cause Idk what to say cause I was the wrong one in the first place, sigh I just want things to get serious now, idk what else to do, cause I could only find and think of you,

2009-03-27T22:56:00.004+08:00

oh well, guess what im tired overly tired, tired of everything, one by one turning me down making me down, i know difficulties and stuff so here i am giving up as a failure, dont knwo what to do, today sucks overly, ytd as well, sigh, school gonna open soon,attachment, gonna be so tired, so by then pls dont add to my tired ness and what ever pls, im tired, I give up, Im a failure total one, just let me know what gonna happen and i'll accept it all, my cousin going back and shane going oversea who am i gonna find in those few days, sigh im gonna miss Shane cause nobody is gonna pamper like he does anymore sigh, and just cause i told "him" not Shane i wanna give up on him, he said give up on him just that and so i did, cause i was tired asking and asking whats happening to him, sigh fuck it, going bankrupt as well, whats going on, sigh, and thought gonna have clique outing this sat, some got work la got church la and whatever la and so its cancelled, thought i could forget my upset ness that day soon cause im dying inside to meet up, but i give up la, just let me know whats gonna happen,

2009-03-25T15:23:00.005+08:00

Baby, I won't fall even if I did, I'd fall for you

Have not been blogging, lazy to blog and idk what else to blog abt, heh, supposed to post pics from chalet but im too lazy cause there's too many, sorry guys,soon i'll do just that yeah,

Oka, for now Im gonna act all blur cause i don't wanna face all those stupid probs that are troubling me, too many questions to ans too many probs to solve, I currently just wanna hang out all day and be with my friends, I miss Manyan, Garett, Prudence, & of course Rozana, and Im gonna miss Shane so much cause he is going overseas again but he said he'll be back in a week, sigh, there this feeling when you held my hand, and the why you look into my eyes and sit so close just to ask me am i alright, you make me mad, im going crazy, Idk whats going on, who the hell am i with why everything so messed up, im so lost, i feel like giving everything up now and seriously all i wanna do is party and drink all night away cause you guys are driving me crazy, rarr

2009-03-17T11:49:00.004+08:00

MOM is gone for 3 years after today, but Im still mising everydays with you esp when im home late at night, you heating the food up for me, stayed up the night with me till im sleepy,going shopping with you, patting me to sleep when im sick, I felt there was another best friend with me at home, but now that I've lost you and Im missing you terribly and I just wish you'd be here to scold me for everything single bad things I've done. Just so I could feel your love, I complained when you were around that you nagged non-stop at me for every lil stuff, but now even I want you to do so, I cant, I miss you, and I know you'd be much happier now with GOD watching out for me, cause watching you slowly go away hurt me a lot and I just kept quiet and cry alone cause I didn't want you to worry esp when you hate ppl crying for you, I miss you & I love you,

2009-03-16T12:43:00.006+08:00

:D heheh, loves loves loves my blog song! never get tired of it, heh, weird

Ytd was super crowded and super uber anooying cause there was like no place for you to dance, heh, anyway, it was rnb if you know what im talking abt, and im sorry, i kept you waiting till late while i was having fun else where, but you were mean to leave when i was on the way to meet you and i told you that I don't feel good and you asked why and i told you so but you didn't do anything anyway and you still asked, but okay it was my fault im sorry for not calling you when im supposed to, anyway, you're mean!!! hahah :D but im happy enough you'd called to say you're gonna sleep even after msging me, sorry yeah,

:D
Anyway Pictures tooken on friday 130309, supposingly supposed to go for shisha on that night but ended up not going cause the rest couldn't come along, sad, so went around with melrayl, heheh :D im missing you already girl,

2009-03-12T15:10:00.003+08:00

starstruck

I can't be bothered anymore cause you don't seem like you do anyway, so why should i be sitting here thinking whats wrong alone, so i've decided Im not gonna let you bring me down, do what you want cause i don't wanna bother anymore, Im gonna let it all go, since you cant give me what i want and since you cant be any better than this, I shan't be too and you give me insecurities like no one ever gave me before so be it i give up on us, idk what you want and so i guess it was all mistakes in the first place, but nah, i don't wanna talk abt and when i see you im gonna be alright, cause i shouldn't waste my time on someone whom dont bother so whats the point,

2009-03-11T01:52:00.002+08:00

oka, today go to know which hospital i've got attached to for my attachement in april... Erm, I've got into SGH?? that means i can sleep longer and wont be late? haha, And holidays starts today!!!! YAAY!!!

15th im going and its like gonna be sardines there cause there too many ppl and annoying ones that i hate will be there too just so i've just knew? like whatever, hopefully they just dont bloody hell spoil my mood????

BABY, I still feel insecure around you idk why but seriously I can feel that you still have feelings for her, I don't understand why im feeling this way, sigh but cause you said you don't anmore i'll learn totrust?, and I hope other ppl wont try to break us up, just hoping,

And i wish I was more mean and less gullible so that ppl wont step all over me and betray my trust and I guess I trust ppl to easily knowing ppl aint that nice oka, maybe some? I just wish ppl would not walk all over me, i hate it cause its like taking advantage of me, and in the end i'll just ended up crying alone cause I don't wanna blame anyone for it for my stupidity, hopefully,

2009-03-09T19:53:00.014+08:00

found these photos in my folders, heheh quite long ago...

I miss Melrayl!!!! on the left is mel and my bestie on the right,

Sat 060309 went back to sch for extra class anyways, sorry for the late upload guys,

Faridah! heh, she tried tying her hair up with two pony and it was hilarious,

Amira & Shafiqah :D

Amira, Faridah and Ram

CLASS!!! beloveds im gonna miss the laughter and jokes from everyone, it'll be a long time before we meet again sharing the same class again,

As I said everyone loook up here!!!

Formal picture, hahah :D

PIZZA!!!

Fidous

Miss Jay!!! my class form teacher :)

And she took my cam and camwhore alone, hahha :D

me love

My zebra flats died on me as it was raining and had to get a new one, :( i loved that zebra flats. RAM!!

UNGLAMS!!

Kartika and YANA!!! :)

Umaira:)

safik :D

As Ram and me were using the toilet, she erm, :D

and they continued as I was in the toilet, :D

She was thinking what to write on her cuffed ring, -_-

2009-03-05T23:35:00.002+08:00

I got caught in the rain today, twice, it was freezing me and I was all drenced when I got home, and I've only got you in my mind, And _ _ _, I hate it when you say stuff like you can get me what my bb can too, cause you'll just giveme tthis weird feeling that I don't want and after I end this relationship with my BB im never gonna be serious over a relationship, so stop making me fall for you, And BB cant even text me today, not even one, how pathetic, I wonder am I really on a relationship with you, the worst is I guess you know I love you lots that why maye you seem to take advantage of it? Idk, thats how I feel cause ou oly bother abt me, when Im mad at you and wanna leave you but when we're oka, you're back to worst and where did all those words you said to me went?? In another, way, MAYBE I want more attention from you so that I won't think so much, And now, I hate missing you and loving you cause you always never fail to upset, hurt or hurt me, I hate it, I hate you!

2009-03-03T23:25:00.003+08:00

I hate this part here, it was a rush what a rush, cause im tryna' tryna' walk away

sigh, Idk whats got into me, today, Today fucking hell sucks, I find no matter, what there no way I could ever start a new with you, Idk why do you never fail to upset me, I wish I was just your be friend at times cause so then you'd be more open to me then, I just want you to whisper everything to my ears, but perhaps I was just too sensitive eh, Im sorry for upsetting you for being just simply jealous over you telling your friend stuff in front of me and you leaving me behind, but Im the one being sensitive, so here I am apologising, perhaps I was very tired very tired, I need a break, I need to get use to you cause Im not, the way you are and everything, when you replies my msg late and text me late and putting me last in everything, sigh, okay shall stop saying now, tired,

Sigh, Im sorry for saying this but Im missing shane, I miss you,,,, :((( cause you never fail to get the best for me, You never leave me behind, no matter who was there with us you were still by my side, Im missing you at times, I know making use of you meeting you and everything only when im upset, and only realise only you could satisfy what others cant I'll come finding for you and you still never fail to upset me, You always asked me for my opinions first and put me in your thoughts did everything you could, and never fail to put me before everything. sigh whats got into me!!! IDK IDK IDK, SIGH

2009-03-02T21:40:00.003+08:00

Hmm, have not been blogging for quite sometime, Anyway, was late for sch today again but took cab to sch, =/ bankrupt, hmmm, sch holidays for me starting on the 10th March!!!! Yaay!!! And next week Mon and tue is the exam, and im left with only one prob to solve, after that's solved im all over all troubles, heh, I waited my whole time for the holidays to come! FINALLY! hahah, and gonna go out shopping and shopping find new stuff and I mean NEW stuff meaning in everything, Im not gonna bother anymore, cause I know what I've got Im glad just to have what I have now, Suddenly everything seems fine, I wonder whats next, Hmm, I need to wake up early and not be late for sch anymore ehs, anyway, I really hope holiday would be great!!! miss you BB <3 baby I want you to be flirtatious with me, just me,

2009-02-28T00:55:00.004+08:00

Oh wells, have not been blogging for so long, to me ehs, if you dint realise so many things happened, i need someone to cry on, cause im so tired i could feel myself breaking down, everyone seemed sad now, sigh, who am i supposed to go to now, i really dont know, i've got almost nobody to go to, hmmm, i just wish better days come soon, today went to see the teacher, and my tears started comng out, i feel like running away from everthing, I just wish something could just take me away from everything, I don't wanna cry anymore, I don't want anymore regrets, I don't want to be heartbrokened, its all coming onto me all in one go, exams coming and something else need to be settled and many more, Im so tired, I really hate regretting, I don't like who I am now, Im so weak I hate it, I wanna sleep and never wake up, I hate who I am now, Im tired, my eyes are, but i'll keep a happy smile on so that i won't add to more probs for other ppl. Sigh, take me away to a sweet escape, :( tryna be strong, yes I will be, I don't want anymore headaches anymore pls.

2009-02-23T13:35:00.018+08:00

A Day of Mistakes

Janice wore a dress eh :D

Prudence and Rozana:D

Prudence:)

ManYan:)

Me & Bella:D

she just wnna be in the photo:D

Told you so, haha

Fantstic 4 again back, :D

<333

you're a goner (=

my cam lens broke, :O

beauty riot

as she on total ecstacy

1,2,3,4 i love you

clique<3333333333

Me,Rozana&Jivinia:D

She got stuck on ya

my models suppossed to be 9 but the rest went back, yellow 1 is Manyan, miss grey is Rozana,E 1in specs is Prudence and Miss blue is Debra and on the chair is Garett. :D (Photographer MONICATHANT)

:Dgarett

:DDD we started playing games, and she had to lick that err, eeee

then we plyed striping game with cards so she put on as many stuff on herslf as she can, :D so did everyone, hahahhaha

And then they got striped slowly, haha

the rest of the photos were too sensored

skiped to next chpt

the next day, woke up and that gal,on the left is prudance's sis and tht shirt im wearing is her's too:D

and then off to shop... sins

me, today woke, up did not change cause i was too tired, reached home abt 3am ?forgive pls,

love pls

So thats the end of everything, did not attend sch today, tired and was not in the mood, Im worried I'll lose everything and I just wished that very day wont come, I will change for it all to turn out well if you give me the chance again, pls, and god pls help me, I don't everything to end just here, its not what im here for I don't want, pls, sigh, I just wished everything was a night mare if you wee reading this im sure you'd know what im talking abt, Im sorry abt it, I don't want those nightmares to happen to us ya? God i'll do anything just to be back to noraml, I swear, I don't wanna let everyone down, Im sorry, Im really sorry, pls forgive me, when you gave me the sight I overlooked it being stubborn, god pls, i'll change, sigh,

2009-02-21T01:59:00.003+08:00

My class form teacher/ class advisor

(She gonna pay for my class shalet cool ehs, heh)

Faridah:)

Yana bear & Shafiqah :DShafiqah & Ram:D

After, Sch went to meet Bestie!! She changed a lot though as in her looks, haha, oka la hor, :D

Had fun spending time with her, sigh bestie, I guess what you said last time were all coming true like for e.g. ppl would still prefer the old one, why dint I listened to you, Im stupid,

Anyway, Bestie cheer up alright!

Ugleh Ugleh!!!

You've caught me off guard,

Today, sch was a long day, and my whole body was aching!! Bestie last min asked me out so did not bring extra clothes so just went out w my nursing uniform. Uncomfortable and UGy though, heheh, Anyway those ppl are my friends and classmates up there I know what ya thinking again, hahah, like I'll always say, Im still trying to get used to the sch life now, but Im still always late for sch... Oh btw, today supposingly have to go for detention but I forgot, heh, And soon, meeting Clique, :DDD heard everyone's going, :) staying over night:)

P.S. Idk whats going on w you now but I guess its time you and me ends it all, esp when today you did not bother at all but could bother messaging other ppl instead, anyway, I'll try to be understanding that your grandma's funeral is making you busy? I wanna acc you but I guess you've got your old lover to acc you or find her yourself eh, cause she more important to you now eh and since you're starting to miss her. Won't blame you yes I won't, I guess I got your ans now, And Idk how to trust you again and don't have the secure feeling, Idk are you acting stupid or you really don't know but I've gave too many chance and you ruined them all like as if you were taking me for graanted and climbing all over me, don't worry if you were tryna make me hate you yes you did right for all reasons,

2009-02-19T23:35:00.008+08:00

ME! Unglams (Times at sch)( Getting used to sch)

Amirah & Ram

Faridah

Yana bear :D
Ram & Umaira at the back. :D

Unglam!

P.E!

my nursing uniform, :/

While waiting For PrisL when went out after sch

Walking towards Suntec, Exercise!! :D

Toilet break after too many shopping! :)

It was the only time we could take photos so yeah bare the unglams!! :)

Erm, today was a long dday! Erm, did nafa today and ppl idk were staring so was quite uncomfortable. Did not do well :( And Supposingly supposed to go for X-country training today after sch at sch(I know surprising right me in X-country,HAha)anyways but went to meet pris Lim instead so I guess going for the training next week, Oh dear I've gained 3kgs!! Sigh, Don't like! Tmr another long day plus detention. Anyway today was tiring. But after meeting pris I felt :DDD cause I was talking abt my class and stuff and its all craps?? Anyway, though ppl in those pics are my friends/classmates in sch now, I know what ya thinking but erm, like I said Im getting used to everything. :)

I hope everyone can make it this sun pls, I really wished to see all of you, like hell yeah, CLIQUE! CLIQUE! CLIQUE My bb-s make time for this sat alright yes.

Talked to BB abt whats going on and all the confessions, but even though I still feel insecure like you'r keeping me just so you'll still have someone to go to after she dump you, Oka everyone thinks Im stupid but Idk why, everytime I've made my mind to let go of you, your word always caught me back into your lil trap, oh crap! I hate all these. I wanna be strong and more mean! Whatever you said is all true I hope but I still feel its all not, if you still love her go ahead with her I wont stop you cause I don't want a unhappy relationship, if thats what you want alright. I'm a lover and the pain of a heart from another Can be difficult to recover, yes this I know.But difficult isn't impossible. I just find there too many scars on our relationship. Idk what you want. But pls, don't hold me back for just so you'd still have someone to cling onto after your dramas with her. PPL said I'll get hurt the most in the end if I don't be smart and break w you but I wanna believe in everthing that you say cause I love you but why is my the tiny voice whispering to end everything? And I don't wanna either of us getting hurt so I know bith us just gto to make a choice, I guess I rather get hurt instead, since you've been doing so all the time, I feel so numb now. you said you'd clear things up but whats all these now, Don't cling onto me and just let me know what you want pls, Don't waste my time pls, cause BB all these dramas are killing me. You only want me you don't need me, and I hate myself everytime saying wanna end it all and still trying to listening to your excuses, :(((

P.S: Everyone prefers the old one, I wont deny that and BB i wont blame you if you want it all back, If you, were not meant to be mine, I'll let go, don't worry abt me, seriously, seriously, Im letting you go if it makes you happy, sigh, I sound so stupid and gullible but so what I cant be bothered anymore, sigh

2009-02-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

Hmmm, Im so distracted nowadays getting scolded for sleeping in class and tmr my test again dont think I can pass it. Failed my bio test... Teacher talked to me personally asked me whats wrong, what was I supposed to say? Say that All I want now is just a good sleep without thinking before I fall asleep? If you got what I meant, I just wanna have a day of good sleep. To be more fresh to think over stuff properly, now cause of sch Im tired, you never wanna see me this way cause I feel that Im so tired that Im letting it effect the way I feel now,

anyway, I guess you'll be reading this from today onwards I've got nothing more to do with you perhaps just friends or maybe not, idk I feel insecure over your love for me and I just cant stop feeling the way I feel now, I want the old me back serously. Sigh, You've really dissapointed me this time, you've changed like really i guess Im the cause of it cause I cant bring you clser to me so we've just drifted, I feel so, why are things turning out this way? Is it because Im not trying hard enough or is it the way I feel over you? I swear I hate this feeling abt you I feel that your feelings for me faded during those days and now everything so diff they're getting worse, I dont know how to explain but I just feel that you don't really bothers anyway, and that you're keeping for tha sake of it and you dont prove to me that you do bother or adores me, but anyway, our relationship is over, Its just all my fault Im sorry, and if I were to say I dont love you I would be lying my ass off. And you kept saying Im the one thats changing when I said it was you. Why do I feel that you're still keeping things from me? Why cant our relationship have no probs, Sigh Idk why am I so emo I guess its my menstrual cylce thats causing it, Anyway, since I feel Im the lousy one, I'll back off.

I want to sleep!

I want you to tell me whats going on with you?

I want to know whether what Im doing now is right or wrong?

I want to go back to the old me.

I want to concentrate on my studies.

I wanted you to be there.

I wanted to be there for you when you need so,

I wanted eveything to end just I could chill though I sound selfish

I want to skip achool and be with you.

I want everything cleared.

I want to drink badly now

I want happy days hurry come.

I want school holidays to come FAST!!!

I want to forget you.

I want to be high no matter what.

I want to be happy!

I want to be positive.

2009-02-14T23:34:00.004+08:00

love love lub lub lub <333 HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY GIRL WONG MAN YAN!

I know its kinda late for me to post this pic now due to my busy schedule at sch, heh

Anyway, we're meeting on coming sat right, hahah, these are the pictures I could find you and me in it, hahah, pardon some if they are total un glam, oh gosh, hope you'll have many more happy days, yaaay! :D SEE YOU SOON!

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PRIS LIM TOO!!! hahah, :)

AND HAPPY VALENTINE"S DAY PEEP!
REAL LOVE SPREAD THE LOVE!!!

Oh erm, believe it or not I've GOT MY PHONE AND WALLET BACK!!!! The guy was so friendly, he did not touched anything in the wallet and he treat me drink when Im the one supposingly supposed to treat him drink, but he was so sweet, he said promise him not to lose my valuables anymore, hahah, Anyway, Today had test in sch, met "friend" aunt then "cousin" then "friend" but not baby, cause surprisingly, the one that Im actually in love with was, the last one to ask me out at the last min, Annoying!!! But I'll just pretend Im okay with it, cause I dont wanna show my weakness or whatever, And I mean if baby was gonna ask me out today ealier, I would have cancelled everything just want to be with baby today not cause of valentine's day but its cause we've not seen each other for long but baby just dont seem to bother, Sometimes, Im really tired of this relationship, but idk why am i still holding on to it! , Anyway back to the to today, so I continued with my plan to meet others instead. So its all like Whatever~~~ heh Anyway, excited to meet my clique coming sat, cause I miss them badly badly!!

2009-02-09T23:34:00.002+08:00

You make me tear up, cant believe a person like you could make me teary, I hate it, IMY damn badly now especially when at the time like now even when I cant meet you and you always put others before me, I dont feel any special being w you when i cant meet you i feel upset inside and now I cant even contact you, sigh And from what I hear from ppl and from what im unabble to ans questions they asked got me reflected whether I should still be w you cause it upsets me and its all caause you don't make me feel that you really love me, but I just dont want you to waste my time if you dont or neither of our time, like let me move on if you dont really love me cause I feel that you dont. Sigh, I hate you I hate you. If you really dont love me, pls dont waste my time,

2009-02-08T23:53:00.003+08:00

Today did nth particular went out late as usual, im sorry, but i still turn up. hahah cause im a good friend aint I? haha, Erm hoping to meet BB today but nope I did not cause BB too busy like super duper busy huh, heh, like who cares yes I do but Im telling myself not to cause I DON'T WANT PPL I LOVE TO UPSET ME! Busy always busy. I DON'T CARE I DON'T! Hope my attachement start real soon, and I'll be too busy to think of you and then we'll see who the real busy one and make you FEEL THE SAME WAY I FEEL NOW but Idk if we'll last till then. OH OH i don't care, they said if you relly love me you'd do anything but i don't see you doing anything, oh yes you told me you need time, Im giving you all the time you said you need and by then if there no changes, I think i've wasted my fcuking time ehs. I think im already wasting my fcuking time now. Anyways, I don't care I don't fcuking care anymore if you bother or really adores me not cause I give up!And like what ppl whom knows you best your long friends think so that you'd do anything for the one you love, but I feel diff and when they asked me if whether you're what they said, I turned speeceless,ANYWAY, NO COMMENTS! I'll be fcuking nice again, im always is and so dont take advantage of it, and its not that I dont know what to say, I just dont wanna hurt feelings but if you want me to be the ugly side, Im on. And tmr Im gonna change myself in my attitude. Tmr will be the new me, but hopefully nothing makes me weak again. Cause I dont want to be weak! Cause I've got nobody to stand up for me, anyway, i gotta be independent. wait, I am. heh, Whatever la, idk what the fcuk am I feeling the way i feel now, I want the Emo Monica to go away,

2009-02-07T23:40:00.004+08:00

I lost my wallet and phone peeps!!!! sigh, cant contact BB and called BB using my house phone also nvr ans, forget it, im tired of calling when you dont seem like you bother! I dont why ehs, Im drifting away from you, Idk what you're doing out there so do you not know wht im doing, it feels like im back to single me again, its just that some of my friends cant contact me anymore, not fun one! RARRR. Today went out! PPL said my cousin look like Japan while i look like erm, yeah sigh. WHATEVER LO! like i care actually i do. Whatever la. hah erm, And im not bitchy or acting cute pls!!! lik for what fcuk for?! pls la, im aint that bored neither free. heh. ON the 21st clique outing! this fri test-feb14test again.. test test test waking up early and all that things i dont like are driving me crazy. BB you suck! yes you do cause you just do! I hate you! iloveyoumore BB i swear you suck!!! Im drifting away from you and you're doing nothing at all, but i know you're busy w your sch now but that does not explains for the way you are now. You said you'll be swetter and everything I want but hmmm, you think you're all that but you're not, why do you treat me like this?Whatever, i'll treat you just the way you traet me. Whatever drop this topic. hmmm, probably getting my phone on tue?cant wait!hahah

I want new clothes

I want new phone

I want more money

I want to be anorexic

I want to sleep through all morning

I want to dress up to sch

I want to club everyday

I want shopping spree =DD

I want diamonds

I want to lose weight

I want have parties at my house

I want you by my side not only when im unhappy

I want to feel special

I want MOMMY to pat me to sleep =(((

I want to have longer hair

I want new purse

I want you

I want to be happy and not know anything thats upsetting

I want presents

I want choacolates

2009-02-01T13:07:00.008+08:00

I don't want to think so much

I don't want to be sad

I don't want to get hurt

I don't want to be compared with others

I don't want bad people to ruin my life

I don't want to know people who are bad

I don't want people to betray my trust for them

I don't want to go to school

I don't want to face whats happening now

I don't want to know anymore about them

I don't want to allow people to affect me

I don't want to give people false hope

I don't want to be fat

I don't want to be left behind

I don't want to be ugly

I don't want to be coaxed easily

I don't want my heart to ache

I don't want to cry

I don't want to be unhappy

I don't want you to doubt my love

I don't want you to hurt me

I don't want to hurt you

Im done with-with my relationship. No more heartbreaking, no more dramas, the only thing I need now most is my friends by my side, but Bon is going aust on thurs, sigh, leave leaving me everyone, i swear i'll go down and find you and you'll find me knocking at your door just to say i miss you.

2009-01-27T20:49:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST BABY GIRL GARETT ANN OCOMPO PARBO (:

L.OV.E you dearest, many more birthdays and happy days for you. love love you. <3 color="#ff0000">Randal Soon did this for Garett dearest

went over to her place ytd 260109 took this pic for them heheh

awww, and lastly just me and you dearest girl, the cute me and the pretty and everything you :D
oh well, wanted to blog ytd ytd but blogger had probs and went over to garett's place then today went to get more red packs. :D BB sucks cause BB so busy collecting red packs forgotten me and blames me everytime for not msging BB, hmmm, Nways, tmr school opens again, BORING:( and im not excited at all and fri got prac test, not prepared. whatever. hmmm, im growing fattter after all that food, not good not good. BB sucks. But i still love BB yes I do so dont doubt my love for you, I wanna hug BB now though BB makes me fuming mad!!! loves anyway.

2009-01-22T20:41:00.004+08:00

this guy got hearts bag Total GAY! heh but COOL though hahah

ME and my Classmate's pencil case Watermelon&Banana Going fruity

Hmmm, nafa test is here, Eugine boy did really well and it feels that we get along quite well though. heh any ways, today was boring, came home early, ate dinner and watched television. then went out to do run to get myself prepared for nafa test. And lose some fats. OhYEAH. heh.

2009-01-21T01:41:00.002+08:00

Today sucks to the f***ing core. Got scolded by my lecturer for sleeping in class, wth! And got these few guys freaked me out totally. Anyway today was just a total disgrace went to meet BB and BB's friends were there too and i look like shit cause my fringe was pinned up look like F***. And whats worse was that BB actually got to tell me that my fly was opened!!! EMBARRASSING!!!! DON"T LAUGH! I just had to tell it so that i would feel better. GOSH! Somemore In front of BB's friends and BB just to say it out loud so i just zipped it up in front of them and acted normal but i was F***ing embarassed. And wanted to meet Darren actually but he got angry cause i made him wait for nobody's buisness so he went back so i went back too and Shane called to ask me out but I did not want to meet cause reaching home and i look total horrible and just in case my fly open again my BB wont be there to tell me Nways,
CNY coming, having dinner on sunday peraps if I wanna go, WHATEVER LA hack care. wait till the day come nearer then decide. Tests ccoming and i dont understand what the lecturer was talking the whole F***ing time. BORING!!!

2009-01-18T23:11:00.002+08:00

They think im crazy, stupid, silly but i think whatever if its for you i'll do anything. I just wish you were with me by my side most of the time but I know it'll all in just a matter of time. You owe this to me.

I miss my clique seriously I miss you guys, I miss being mischevious in class with you guys eating, sleeping all at the same time, the 10 of us. Listening to music and camwhoring. But now everything changing. I cant be so touchy anymore cause it just not you guys, hmmm, more holiday, less school days pls?????????

I hate you ( E contary)

2009-01-10T00:49:00.002+08:00

School is fine. My classmates are fine they're funny and fun. But my school or my course is v v v strict very cant be late and its so far and cant be absend for more than 3 days and im gonna get a cca volleyball perhaps.. hmmm, I miss clique. I really do. How should i put it. I used to hate it last time cause we were too bickerish and everything so dont like it but im now missing them. oh pls but i hope everyone is doing fine. I miss Stc the times we share our food and bringing lunch boxes. And sigh I could take all night saying how much i miss them. I miss you all.

idk just wish everything would change. im lost Baby you've got me cause im lost now and cant find the previous me again. Baby you and me are just so not have enough time for each other. I just wish you were the one for me and be there for me but you only want me there for you when you need me. i really wanna give up on this relationship cause its making me break down. But yet i love you dearly. Perhaps i should just make this an end like what others are telling me to do. But i dont wanna let you go this selfish side of me wanna keep you and baby, im sorry if i made things difficult but i'll tell you i really love you so stop asking. You're doubting me not trusting me. Anyways i love you

2008-12-21T22:34:00.004+08:00

hahah, im back to blogging!!!!

well, secondary life is over for me.

whats next for me?

IDK!

I miss my school life.

All the laughter , eating during lessons, playing pranks on one another, gossips

Lastly i miss my clique.

2008-09-23T11:27:00.002+08:00

TO MOMMY DEAREST,

As a child there were them timesI didn't get it but you kept me in lineI didn't know why you didn't show up sometimesIt's something more than saying "I miss you"But when we talked tooAll them grown folk thingsSeparation bringsYou never let me know itYou never let it show becauseYou loved me and obviouslyThere's so much more left to sayIf you were with me today face to face I never knew I could hurt like thisAnd everyday life goes on like"I wish I could talk to you for awhile""I wish I could find a way try not to cry"As time goes byAnd soon as you reach a better place Still I'll give the whole world to see your faceAnd I'm right here next to youIt feels like you gone too soonThe hardest thing to do is say bye And you never got the chance to see how good I've done And you never got to see me back at number oneI wish that you were here to celebrate togetherI wish that we could spend the holidays togetherI remember when you used to tuck me in at night With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight I thought you were so strong That you can make it through whateverIt's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever.

2008-09-16T09:48:00.003+08:00

Im intending not to go school for the rest of the days, but Im worried abt my attendance would affect my exams. But also of course I would like to go school and spend the rest of my days in school with my friends but I get very pressurised at school not because of studies but other stuff. Monica, why do I allow myself to disturbed while others can still be alright. I want to be stronger. I don't want to go to ite due to my results i want to score high. I want encouragement at this point of time. I miss Mummy. I hope all my friends results would be something they want and I hope my friend's dad wll get out of coma and be alright again. I also hope that everyone around me would be happy only then I can be happy. But i hate the feeling of being left out in the dark. All I want is them to care abt my feelings and the way I am. God pls give me the strength to face all these challenges strongly and mummy please guide me through my exams.

Take me away

to a secret place

a sweet escape

2008-08-09T00:19:00.001+08:00

Im dropped dead a awhile cause I don't find anything great going on in my life now. Perhaps I'll blog again probably after my exams. See cha!

2008-07-03T18:23:00.000+08:00

I know its a lil too late to post this pic, but there nothing that too late.
I <3 clique

2008-07-03T18:03:00.003+08:00

I know Im happy cause she had been around me most of the time nowso are my lovey dovey friends,and realise most of my friends are better now okaye not all but still some? I hope it will last I hope it will all remain same, will it? Please don't take away my happy moments away from me pls? But im so scared one day things won't be so happy or shall i say not every story have a happy ending? I miss 6/5 seriously, we're all separating, when will we meet again, GOD why must you take away all the people I love and make them further away from me?

I've got to study hard harder, pray for me, pray for everyone taking their end of year exams, I wanna pass with many many colours.

2008-06-27T20:41:00.002+08:00

You make me hate and love you at the same time, idk if i shoudl love you or hate you cause if i love you and treasures you and when you hurt me, i'll break down. i dont want my love to turn into hate, so i'll hate you? but whatever i don't wanna be close to you cause you don't understand me. i wanna be close to you cause you don't understand me, i wanna be close to you and when i wanna be close to you you weren't by my side, idk what to do days passing is it my expectations high or is it just you? why things have not turned better why did things turn worst? tick tock! the clock turning. will it stop and freez and let me turn back to the times i was wrong and not close to you. i don't regret but you're hurting me cause you kept doing this i don't like yet again and again knowingly.

2008-06-17T19:42:00.000+08:00

Why? Why do you still do things when you know it will still upset me? why? and when you did it. you're seemed avoiding me and that hurts me more, all i want is you to tell me the truth and even though you're not close to me, i wish you would be pretend to be nice and would not hurt me anyway anyhow. idk how to explain, but would try to be understanding like you always do?

2008-06-13T21:16:00.001+08:00

Okaye i finally changed blog skin cause friends said it was too complicated. the previous one so changed to something simpler. keep reading my blog to understand me more, today went out had fun? it replaced all my unhappiness in just hours cause it was friends whom were with me :)

2008-06-12T16:42:00.002+08:00

Okaye, idk im very angry inside cause i feel very upset and its turning into anger, fuck shit, my life sucks! why the hell my life suck so much?! You know what?! i give up my heart contains all of everyone, now idk if im wasting my time loving cause i dont think you guys do anyway, i feel stupid dumbbut why why must my hatred over come everything?! fuck idk what else to say. and idk i think my friends " clique" hate me. i've only got al the bad points about me inside them as in they only know my negative sides its all fuck shit why am i so pissed maybe cause i know im lost but i find myself hiding the way i feel most of the times cause i dont want my friends to ask me why am i thinking too much or why am i venting my anger again. i care how they feel cause they are my friends?! god take away all my troubles? and you know what. yeah, im a loser, failure im just nothing with just a name i fucking pissed off, now im wishing someone would cheer me up well i guess that would never happen?! show me that im all wrong? i just wanna walk away and i wanna have memory lost everyday and start everyday new. im tired of living this way staying home with those two ppl, sucks fuck fuck fuck! everything around doesn't seems going right.

2008-06-11T23:23:00.002+08:00

Today did nothing actually. Stayed home and rot. Idk why but it seems i no longer exist in my friends anymore. School gonna open, idk if i should be excited or what cause all those sucking up here and there starting. Idk if im right or isit just simply jealously but some suck up then very irritating, venting anger on one another and others stuff and yeah, im only hoping things would get better, prudence dear dont be angry anymore alright. cheer up and forget about the bad side alright, its all wrong, and we all know. Anyway, i dont even know if you're gonna read this neither the others. i dont think they even remember me anymore. i hate myself for everything, for not having a better relationship with my loved ones. i dk idk how to explain it all. i miss almost everyone but i doubt they do anyway. do you guys still love/care abt me anymore? idk if anyone of you are counted as my friends or count me as one. i dont even know if im still in you guy's eyes. hmm actually i dont think you guys will understand anyway. and i dont even know where i stand or im just someone else. idk i feel very lonely in this world. everyone got someone but i dont seem to have anyone. idk what else to do anyway.

2008-06-10T18:09:00.002+08:00

Idk baby idk anything at all neither do I want to know anything that would hurt me so much. Just treat me the way you used to. Leon fooled me. No i got fooled by Leon. Clique I miss. And prudence, Don't be angry anymore alright. I love you. I love you prudence, Man yan , Garett and so on....

2008-06-06T01:44:00.002+08:00

Im went Garett's house today because I find it hard and suffocating staying at home. cause those ppl treats me like I don't exists.This morning called Rozana but she had sore throat. Poor her. Must take care of yourself alright Rozana. Talked to man yan to made her do something. heheh though I was thick skin. Called prudence eve but she did not pick up my phone call. Probably sleeping. I ate a lot today. a lot. non stop of supper and everything. Today was fun. Talked to man yan on 3G and it was wacky. Well, everything was just simply fun today. Mangoes, are you all free on Monday? I know you all are bankrupt but then I miss you all and want to meet up at least once? Actually im bankrupt too after paying all the bills I have too. hmmm, Maybe we'll just try doing something else like swimming? heheh. Exercise together would be fun too. hahaha burn burn burn all the fats. hahah. I want to meet BAby!!!!! I miss him a lotssss. But Idk what to do or perhaps how to ask him out. I miss him!

2008-06-02T14:52:00.002+08:00

Idk whats wrong with me and my life, it all turning upside down. Nothing seems going right. So many things can happen to me be it holiday or not. Sigh. I'm very tired. Will troubles go away and I just want to have fun but not forgetting the less fortunate ppl in all those natural disaster. I hate being so sensitive over everything. Pppl say im senstitive or isit just them being insensitive. Idk and i hate myself for always taking things seriously unlike some who can take things lightly.

My friends seems to be having their own things seems like they dont have anytime for me. Idk if some care for me or not. Sigh. And, idk if some treat me as a friend or something else but i think i do know who will be there on my darkest times hope my thoughts are not wrong.

And one more thing is that i dislikes ppl lying to me and not talking what i've said seriously.
I'm hurting inside day and night. Troubles just kept probing me all the time. Every moment i'm breaking inside.

I wish my friends were by my side and shoulder to cry on and someone to hug and so not to feel lonely.
And one last thing is that, idk what i said to you that you dont understand it was hard for me saying because i treasure the every friendship and it was hard for me saying it and in fact, it was weird but i dont want to lose you coause you were the one that understand sort of and you were the one i always love talking to and of course we bicket at times but i just dont know why i still love being around you though you made me upset at times and sort of like play with my emotions. Idk if you know what im talkign about and if it is about you alright.

And another thing to me is that, on the outside i dont seems i care but deep down i do.
And baby i miss you. You're killing with the way you always look at me. I wanna be with you but idk how. :(

2008-05-11T21:39:00.001+08:00

2008-05-11T21:16:00.006+08:00

2008-05-07T21:21:00.004+08:00

All my yearnings are in my dreams
nobody can see them
nobody can relieve them
cause nobody knows them
but if you looked deep in my eyes
you would cure my heart…
because I treasure the people I loved so much but they just don’t seem to care or know
is it because my love is not shown in the right way or is it just not enough? And when they say hurtful things to me, it hurts me so badly i wanna cry out. tired of crying tired of trying yeah im smiling but inside im dying. It hurts to love the way I do and looking at how much don't care. And why the people I love seem so far yet they’re so near. Why do I only treasure the people I love so much only when they are further? I don’t want to lose something I can’t replace.

And MOM, I love you

2008-05-01T05:45:00.002+08:00

wicked =)

I miss going back to club. I wanna go back to club but then now i've got no girlfriends to go with me. How sad and boring. Exam coming oh it already started. Well idk im prepared for it or not because i dont feel like myself. Hmm, i'm growing fatter! I can't be any fatter later cant wear anything nice and even if can, i'll look ugly. I'm like totally insulting myself. After hearing leon and others in poly and all, i feel like going poly real soon and make new friends. And i cant wait for december cause im going overseas! It will be exciting and i'll get to see my dad and cousins and my relationship with my cousin brothers is going to start all over again cause we're more like secret lovers than cousins. Then, for now, i miss mum,dad,baby,clique,friends and that kind of feeling of being loved and become a baby myself, musbehaviour and all thoses touches and feeling all warmed up. Get what i mean? heh. I'm going to run around my house now to loose burn some fats off. Still,keep in touch!

2008-05-01T01:03:00.000+08:00

2008-05-01T00:10:00.003+08:00

Hey girl, whats your name i think
I caught you looking my way
Do you wanna know how to get me of to your own
Weekends work the best i pick the place you do the rest
Hey now don't be shy but you got to keep me in line
Love at first sight never thought in could happen to me
But you made me believe
Kidnap my heart Y
Take me with you
Kidnap my heartY
Make my dreams come true
Take me away cause falling in loveIs very far, not far from the start
Kidnap my heart. Y
Can you get me up more
Fun that i can ever dream of
Could you tie me down
Can you keep me hanging around
I don't wanna be into keep you company
Put your hand in mine got to hold on top of the ride
Love at first sight never thought in could happen to me
But you made me believe
Kidnap my heart Y
Take me with you
Kidnap my heartY
Make my dreams come true
Take me away cause falling in loveIs very far, not far from the start
Kidnap my heart. Y
You've got to hold me tighter
Cause I'm a real fighter
Don't tear us apart
Love at first sight never thought in could happen to me
But you made me believe
Kidnap my heart Y
Take me with you
Kidnap my heart Y
Make my dreams come true
Take me away cause falling in loveIs very far, not far from the start
Kidnap my heart.Y
Kidnap my heart Y
Kidnap my heart....YYY

2008-04-10T23:14:00.002+08:00

Here I am back again.

I am getting fatter and fatter and I seem to find my waist anymore. I must be on diet if not i'll look like not monica. hahah. whenever Im with my clique, I can't seem to stop myself from being tempted. heheh.

Anyway,

I miss Baby. Have not seen him for quite a long time. Idk whether if i should find him. But Idk I don't seem to be free to look out for him. I really miss him. But what can I say when i meet him. It all feels wrong. Its like its all just one sided love. )=

Bestie and I seem not in contact again after a while. Its like as if we're not besties anymore perhaps because we're in diff places. Perhaps. But I still got my friends in and out school.

I enjoy being around them and laugh especially garett cause i'd get to make fun of her. And others too. They are always the reasons why I always got to wake up to go school.

Well, got to go, will be back. Keep in touch! (=

2008-04-07T15:13:00.002+08:00

Opened my heart to garett ytd, and im feeling a lot better. Told her the reasons why I showed tantrums at times caused I just wanted attentions sometime when im left behind. But I realised that when im fine in school, i ain't fine at home. today Christina was damn irritating cause she complained a lot. Basically too much. Well I hope tmr will be a better day. Can't wait for sunday hope Bestie can make it this sunday if not I'll be alone with "strangers" again. ANYWAY, im excited make it double.

I want to be happy. I want be cheerful and bubbly again. =D

can i have some of you

2008-03-18T00:11:00.003+08:00

Idk Idk Idk Idk whats wrong with me and my life. its all screwed up. Well, Idk i just don't understand cause everything is too complicating and im a one kind stuborn head so I don't care anything else anymore as long as im happy. But hey, I know i ain't actually like that but Idk Idk i just feeling like being a bitch. Shit what am i talking?! Idk Idk I don't even know what im even talking about!!!! well it sucks it suck to be me. shall i laugh? shall i laugh at myself? Idk. Im just a fucked up emo person next door. You see me with my friends & having tons of friends but so what?! even if i have so many and in the end Im actually a fucking loner deep inside. Don't know who to go to actually worrying over every small stupid fucked up things. Well im fucking tired and i just want live a fucking normal live.

THE END

2008-03-09T22:34:00.003+08:00

oh well what do i say now? I don't know what im doing and man...... they really know how to break my heart but I don't really wanna bother anymore or just pretend nothing happened and carry on cause im tired so from today onwards, i'lll hide my saddd feelings inside and just be happy outside. So when i don't feel like talking, i'll talk and when i feel like crying, i'll laugh out with tears of joy. And when I don't feel like laughing i'll laugh and when i feel upset, i'll be happy. and when i don't feel like doing anything, I'll do everything. And when i can't sleep, I'll run around my house so that I'll be tired and sleep my ass of. And when I need someone by my side, to comfort me, i'll keep quiet. Im going crazy. insane. nuts. Well can't blame god cause its all planned . i'll just hope someday, it'll be diff story with a happy ending. I don't wanna cry. So please, don't do this to and stop cause its really hurting. OMG! it all sounds neither right. Idk whats wrong with me, its all because of this god damn emo song and im turning all emo. Actually its only part of it there this other part of the story idk who to talk to about. im tired

2008-02-29T17:40:00.004+08:00

hell Im laughing like so open so is my freaking mouth (so-oo natural (=

I love you Baby. And well I've been upset over the days you told me about your girl and im thinking if I should ever see you again cause I know you would try to accept me but I do not understand why i've been thinking about you so much knowing you and your girl and i can't accept it when i know you care but pretend like you don't cause baby I love you a lot. And I just can't seem to forget about you the other time i met you and cant understand why you would bother to come after me when you got someone else. Well I do not know if you really got a girl but baby im going to steal you away from "someone" and yeah I sound like a total bitch but i dont want to care any more cause i love you. And maybe when I had enough I would return you back to her but Im just talking but i don't know if i have the courage to do that cause im not desperate just envious of that girl that got you! oh whatever i'll see when we meet again and see how. and i swear I regretted not meeting you the other night when you asked me out cause that was my chance and I totally blew it awway. hell I wanna forget youY and get moving with my god damn life but i cant. YYY

2008-02-19T15:59:00.003+08:00

cute right? the one in e middle=D

bored...

just being naughty

<333 href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_gOMXToS55zY/R7qNUzKJVpI/AAAAAAAAABQ/HHxn-O6OjEU/s1600-h/DSC04864.JPG">
hahah pictures from jan. (=

-loves

2008-01-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARETT DEAR! (=
I love YOU till I drop. LYVE LYVE LOVEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

2007-11-15T13:39:00.000+08:00

2007-11-05T14:36:00.000+08:00

Am feeling better now though. hahahah.
OMG! I love the way you smell. IT turn me up. hahahah. So much for being special.
Im breaking up with him cause Boy you're spoiling me. Goodbye BB.
Stuck in my toes and whereevr you go im always following but no more cause those aint gonna work. I've cried im coming prepared babey. There no more tears for me to shed for you.

2007-11-05T14:08:00.000+08:00

Im not concerned with people.
Get dem haters out your circle.

Smile in your face but they wanna do is bring ya down, down.

See them try to mess to hurt you and work you. Anything to bring ya down, down. they keep evil thoughts in their hearts. What you don't know.

You can't let them knock your hustle. Not letting them know how much you struggle.

They turn green with envy when you're on top. And dem heart is full with strife.

Their by gonna try to take your life. Ya, know they talk about ya and they tell lies.

Don't be fooled you betta rcognize. They not there for you, they don't care for you. Trust me cuz I know it's true.

Ya know they smile in your face and make ya think they down.

Then They turn against you when you're not around. It's just jealousy and dishonesty. So, hold on to your sanity.

Don't they realize. Its so easy to see right ttrough there disguise. Makes me wonder why.

When the world is turning left Im going right I need someone to let me be. Just who Iam inside. Cause a girl like me, a lil different from all the rest And a girl like me Never gonna settle for a seond best.

could it be a boy like you would give me anything if I asked him to.
Posibility got me tripping thinking of wht could be betwen you and me.

Still I need to know should I keep this feeling Or lt it go I can't wait no more.

So nows the time to speak your mind. Mirror mirrror on the wall Catch me before I fall. I wish I may, I wish I might.

Find the ans here tonight.

I don't know who you think I am.

Now I ain't tripping, I ain't twisted Iain't demented, well just a lil' bit Im kicking ***, Im taking names, Im on flame, don't do these to me anymore. Im getting restless, Im getting tested.

I don't know who you think I am. But I really Don't give a **** right now. Im gonna puff and huff and blow my world up and Im already am. You were all my lovers and my best friends always putting you guys first and I always stand last in everyone of your heart.

I don't wanna drink all those anymore.

Nver thought I ould feel something so strong i wanna hold on to those moments before its gone.

Iwant your time and your full attention.

I wanna talk to you and not mention all the good love that you peeps gave me to me.
I think about it constantly.

No I won't apologize for feeling like like I do Its just simple fcts of life.

Im going crazy. When it comes to love im not trying to share You might think im greedy But I just don't care I need you im my world cause Im a selfish girl.

I undrstand that you got your crew but I've got something in mind for you make you lose all track of time.

Guranteed to blow your mind.

I don't care about what anybody got to say. Maybe they never had it quite this way.

let them talk let them criticize.

They all need to recognize. They might see Im a bit extereme

But what I feel cannot be concealed. there aint no other way.

Im a selfish girl or watever whn it omes to you. Every minute of the day.

You got me tripping I didn't know what I was missing. This is crazy. So amazing.

I din't meant to be demanding but I hope you're understanding. Im not playing or begging im just sayying.

IF its destiny just lt it be.

All the words spoken or heard. never thought theses could hurt me this bad huh.

You walked on my pride.

Seven sins of wantoness and everything thats good is gone Sell it for the glory from the peers sillcone priestless scrath the back and twists the knie to bone.

Kick the aginst ****** and scrape the shinns. I m the enemies in the enemy now.

Swallowed the pill and drank to the fill and these things I carry now in this bittersweet in this bittersweet,now.

And now blame it all on me if ti makes you feel better or that if it makes things or all of our friendship better.

and being someone and part of my life as my Best Friends, do not talk behind my back cause it ain't gonna work for me cause it will hurt me mor and the more hatred and upsetness is in me.

Don't bring me down just because I keep quiet all the time and do not try to change my life first try being there and relise my positives and how I would feel when my Best Friends talk like this even after many years of friends.

Try being im my shoes.

When im feeling like this, no one had said don not be upset monica but instead ganged up on me.

Why does always to be me that had to be always goody goody.

Im already bleeding inside and all my best friends had to do was to even hurt me more.

Well since apologising won't help then forget abt it.

I won't apologise anymore and then do not blame for being like that.

Well this is my first time having all these probs.

I just hop this nightmare would end soon and that everyone would not be so sensitiv and that includes me too.

And that everyone would be fair and more nicer inside. Hope evrything is better soon.

I just wanna be free and only rmb the happy times with you C.

And spend more happy times than on the unhappy memories yeah.

I hope everything will be wind up and forget and start anew. yeah.

2007-11-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

I do not know, I do not know and do not like the way I feel inside, its always so wrong, well whatever.

2007-10-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

Hey there!

Erm, today went out with my friends to bugis, same old place,

and met rozana and man yan there too.

hahah, my friends find them funny, do not know why. hahahh

and went to eat at lerk thai and wnt to shop around tried on clothes, and I saw the top i used to liked at Dorothy and im so glad that I did not bought it at the other time cause its super cheap and all the sizes there are all some ones left. And I saw this T-shirt there and it says VIP and bling bling, and wanted to get it but the sleeve there was too tight and it only got one extremely small size and the others were too big so did not get it but am gonna get it next time. hahaha.

And went to shop purse, and instead bought other stuffs. hahah.

then took photos at the stairs, hahha to kill time. heh.

and took some neoprints too.

then headed for dinner at some place.

God! im going bankrupt.

hahah, and yeah planning and need lots of time and support for shalet with friends. hahah

well, thats all lor, the rest no comments.

2007-10-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

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CAUSE IM NOTHING TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-26T20:44:00.000+08:00

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I hate it,

I know I should not feel this way

And that loving a person or a friend sould always be unconditionally.

But why? WHY me?

Why do I care so much for you knowing I won't get your concern and that I would get nothing out of it.

I do not want to think so much

So I kept it all in me.

Or say, I dint want you to know I cared

cause I know you wouldn't bother much

so I kept it all in me...

I don't know what or I should to make myself better

So I had to prtnd but I can't anymore

All she does was just one thing and you are all just for her

I did tried more and be better but your heart only got her.

But guess you did not think of me.

I have talked hell lots and you did not bother.

I was by your side whether

You were right or not.

Though I did not wanted to when you did something wrong.

I'd wish you would not forget me.

I also wnat to be the special one too.=(

Today is the last dayye for school this year, Miss Kong is going away, I hate ppl going away everytime and why is it always like that and everything is so irritating when I really hate seeing ppl leaving it hurts so bad, no one would understand that kind of feeling I had. It just hurt so bad.

M.E im gonna miss you and today gonnaa be the last dayye in school seeing you around. I'll miss you. =(

2007-10-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

went to school today but it sucked cause went to simei ITE and it like errrrr. heh.

And met man yan at tiong and sort of had fun today took lots of pictures today and its was irritating cause i find myself very not at least photogenetic no more. I hate it. as in hate the way I look but its okay ba guessed. well, as long as im beautiful in the inside. heh. And ate a lot today, going bankrupt all the time and everything are passing away. hurr.

Time flies damn fast and two more days and its holidays but I do not know whether should I be happy or not!!! Cause I would not be able to see M.E anymore! She do not care for me anymore now. I do not want to tell hr all about it cause did not want her to be unhappy and Do not want to be part of her tiredness. But sometimes I even had to go with someone I do not really like to forget her but my heart is all hers. Actually she is not my type and am do not know why do I even bother so much about her. I do not want to bother about her but there this somethimg im me that can't forget her and it is not my fault okay. I wonder when is the day we talk to face to face about all these torturing ourselves cause I can't stand it anymore!!!! HM! =( We always had to avoid one another when its all obvius. SIGH, maybe its me thinking too much larr. Im just not her type ba. She shold gt someone better than me and thats what I always feel that everyone would rather or should be with someone else better than me. I guess am just lack of confidence but its better than having too much of them.hahah.

I wanna go M.O.S tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rarr!!! BUT I CANNOT!!!!! AND NOBODY WAnna GO WITH ME!!!And im ponning School tmr but meeting my LOVE LOVE clique.I love spending time with them though some of them made me wanna strangle them but I love them for who they are. heheh =D

I love you mummy <3 size="3">U. =(

2007-10-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

Today went for prudence communnion, then went to eat pepper lunch then wenook t to bugis then to town took noe-prints. Im really going bankrupt and seriously I am and spnding almost over tn dollars on junks... OKAYEE Ba not really junks but Im really going bankrupt. Then ate KFC at taka. Then head to clarke quay and wlked around. then headed back hom. heheh. So called a fun day but very tiring, my legs are aching due to my heels and my uni are not washed yet. And im so not ready for school tmr. And hopefully tmr won't be boring or tiring day or rathr bad. But I aint looking forward to school tmr but checking maths paper so got to go school. Sigh, Im very tired now. Going to turn in bed soon after bathing and sweet dreams sweet. TATA=D

2007-10-20T02:08:00.000+08:00

Checked papers today, I drop a lot and so did my clique except, Debra, well, im happy for her did not thought she would get highr some of us in the clique including me!!! hahah. no larr, I can see her effort were paid off seeing her study hard and paying attention during class seriously, seems to be all working.hahahah,

Went over to garett's house, watch horror movie, and we wented real horror ones and so we decided to rent them so chose one and they counter said they supposed to check or talk to M18 or above peeps so I called up someone...... hahah. Loves talkingto him over the phone he sounds damn funny over the phone and that was my first time calling him. hahahah. ANYWAY, garett's grandma ooked food for us, and yupp, her grandma is soooo cute and I actually wanted to hug her but Wrong larrr, so did not do so.

Going out tmr, alot of places to go and got a lot appointment, but canceling one of them to be friends. Am excited for tmr and sunday too, but hope DEBRA would turn up and not be so lazy yeah. heh.

OHHHH! and today M.E dressed until damn glam and gae everyone a surprise. hahah. I thought she'd lookd gorgeouse my friendsthought so too., never tought I would see her in those oufit but not in skirt yet. hahah. Don't wish to see. hahah. HEY! she super duper cold towards me and when I told her about it, she said on the contrary Im the one being cold and avoiding her but I avoid her cause she avoid me! Sigh. And sometimes she purposely make me hate her and pretend sh don't care and I hate it. Rarr.

ANYWAY, hope tmr will be lots of fun yo! Am looking forward to tmr. and many more good days. (= Goodnight.

2007-10-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

I MISS MUMMY!!!! I WANT MUMMY!!! MUMMY!MUMMY!MUMMY!MUMMY!!!! Sigh, I miss her. My aunt at home started talking about her AND OF ALL THINGSSHE HAD TO TALK ABT MY MUM WHEN I HAD HARD TIME CONTOLLING MY DAMN EMOTIONS INSIDE!!! and today is the "day" she went away far from me. in months, 17th. Sigh I can't believe she went away from my life just like that. But I know she'll always be in my heart. All I want to do now is give mummy a tight hug. PLEASE GOD, I want to give her a last hug. PLEASE. IF CAN, COULD I TURN BACK THE CLOCK?!!! PLEASEEEEE.

Anyway, I do not feel like going for OBS anymore cause got f*****g peeps going... that think they so god damn big deal just because they got everything or whatever it is I hate their attitude but im trying to put those bad picctures behind yo! Like they tried bad-mouthing my friends oh, whatever.Just because they are in the better class. ARRGH. Im so damn pissed off now with everything.
>=( Well I don't wanna care abt those ppls. I want to be more optismistic. And I even thought I could make more friends there and achieve myself but can't find anyone to replace me to go instead and I guess everythings too little too late now to change anything. Well, but I do hope I will bring back good memories from there and maybe its worth going then. Well have to give OBS money on friday. sigh I really wish I could use the money for shopping instead but I know its impossible.hmmm, Just hope the money I paid for is worthy.

I miss M.E. She is always on course and I always had to miss her and its always me missing ppl why can't they be the one? hahahahah joking! ERRR. i guess its time for me to forget her now and forever and thats what she wants too. One more week and its holidays!!!! Yaay! Don't have to wear school uni and wake up early and can have more late hight out. hahahah.

I want to spend moretime with friends and have shallet with my pri friends but it impossible but I thinking of planning a BBQ party with them and since AH LI asked me to plan it. hahah. Seriously, my planning sucks well giving it a try. Hopefully everyon omes and not with their GF oR BF. heh. during holidays....

I wanna go clubbing again but Heard rumours, don't know should I go??? hmmm, its the only time I an relieve all my sorrows by drinking and crying everthing out and dance like a mad person. hahahah. and meet new ppl. Nice ones. Everyone is but some. slanted lorr. hahah. Well im the type who loves having fun and be happy all the time and love lingering around. I love that kind of feeling who don't. hahahah.

I wanna go M.O.S!!!! And i still pray pray pray hard that my exam results will be goody good good. =) I'll pray forr everyone too. hahah, as in not really pray but erm yeah ask my aunt pray lor. hahah. So sweet of me ain;t I. HAHAH.
Ending off here, byeeee.

2007-10-15T00:30:00.000+08:00

Sigh, im getting bored of my life going bankrupt.Went to shopping shopping ytd and today and shopping and shopping and shopping with my pri friend. am glad tmr got tution no more shopping for me and exams aint over yet. IrritATING!!!!

wonder why is my life this bad... Or is itt just me thinking too much. I wish I had a better life though I find nothing wrong with my life now but I just not satisfied guess its just me wanting more. Dont find me greedy but everone isss wanting more out of their lif veryday aren't they???? hmmm, wonder what on for me in my future well don't dare think about it. It won't be any good i guess. heh.

I hate blogging cause I find it waste of time yet a nice way to share your unhappiness and happiness with everyone. And friendster is irritating cause I just can't seem to rmb my hotmail and got bad memo. and now ended up having two freaking friendster and have to add all over again. sigh. I think just havvve nothing is the best at least blog is fine not so "mafan". Maybe the problems lies with me. MAYBE IM JUST LAZY.

hahahah, I rmb my friends asking me to get updated but I think I cant make it larr. hahaha. And i think just doll up yourself well at different times is more fun and getting to know more ppl directly is more trustworthy. hahahah. Well i guess the problem lies with me. hahaha. Anyway why am I so sort of like emo today... eeee, i hate being emo it so spoiler of everything. hahahah.

Anyway Im going think twice next time on whatever i buy or say or do or sign up for anything. heh.

Ohhh, I found this dress a bugis street and I sort of like it and my friend find it XX cause its brandless and cost $40? hmmm, isn't it like if whether you like it or not is more importnt? hahah. NVM. Going to get it without letting her knoDw. hahah. ohhh, and I saw this hot top that look sort of decent and undecent at the same time, and wanna get it soon, hahahah, going to dorothy to get it... I can't keep my mind off those... Well, going to get them and my closet got no spce anymore and worse changed it from big one to small one. and its al in a mess yupp. hahah. Well, sooner or later my wallet will have a hole and my bank going to show a negative. hahah,

Anyway, going to gt a job in swiss hotell as waitress.At least its working in a aircon and you get to war cool uniforms and its a great pay. Then mayb get to save ore money then spending lor. But I do hope its not so tiring anyway working is just not to think too much and for time to past fast yeah.hahah. Excited to meet new ppl. Hope nothing goes wrong before,during and after. hahaha.

and pray pray pray hard for all peeps having exams on next week and after that.... HOLIDAYS!!! =D

2007-10-10T12:29:00.000+08:00

YTD got tired cause got home late so did not blog.

Went over to manyan's house ytd and she messed up my hair and wash it for me cause she was styling my hair. It was lots of fun ytd. Then went to town with garett to change bus back home. I got a appt at eight thirty with him so hd to rush home.

Met him, I felt weird meting him again though but I did try to tell him that I don't wish to see him again cause I thought it was wrong to continue to be together when we got no trust within. Then I told him that next time when we sees each other, we didn't know one another. Then there was this long silence between us and I madethe first move to tell him that im sorry. And that I want to head back home. Then he sent me home. He did not said anything and so made the first move again and he folowed me back then told him to go back cause its late then he asked me if he could hug me one last time. So I told him just one last friendly and everything will be over..... so since then we went sperate ways. Hey I seriously him and the way he smells. anyway, I don't think he is my type nor am I. I guess this might be a better way out. I love you.

Well hope exams willbe over soon cause its so god damn irritating. I want to get good results but I cant seem to concentrate on them. Rarrrr! I doncare larr, Im just gonna study and think of nothing yo. when it over, going out with bestie and clique. Wannna go clubbing with friends too. And more shopping!!! hahaha. Got to save more cash for use. Or mayb get a job to make time fly but all that are yet to come.hahahah. Pray pray pray hard for better results!!! And I think my blog timing got a damn prob. hmmm, anyway, having tuition soon.... got to go.(=
CHEERS to everyone. (=

2007-10-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

headed to library and study but I do not kow why but I just can't seem to concentrate on my studies. Then wnt back home early for tuition. And seriously my tuition teacher is god damn sweet. heh. He makes m laugh and sometimes he seemed to know me better than anyone. Well its like having a good tuition teacher and a sort friend at the same time. haha. maybe my aunt tuition fees will be more worthwhile.

Anyway something embarrassing happened, I wanted to msg someone and instead sent it to someone else and got all messed up. =( Thats why I was wondering why he did not reply or is it because i said somthing wrong so went to chk my sent items and yes I did sent to the wrong person and the person was M.E then explained to her but I guess she wont bother anyway. hahah.
I cant oncentrate on my studies leh.... how??? I think I won't be able to do well for my exam tmr but its the final one for this year I meant!!! Well hope everything will go well tmr then. (=

2007-10-07T22:20:00.000+08:00

Eventhough when i am with someone else, or having a great time, or whnever trying to concntrate on my studies, i just can't seem to keep my mind of you M.E.

Today he asked me out but because I was notin the mood to go out with him and even if I did, my mind would not be with him cause its always occupied with something. And anothr rason for rejcting him was becuse I was scared whatever he said might be all lies cause thats what I have doing to him. There is just no trust between us so I told him, just forget m. All the dreams we had won't beoming true.And that what we felt might not be what we really want afterall. So just forget all the times spent and really want and that I am not good enough for you and I am not hat you want or wished for. You should not hav came into my life or neither should I just wish you would understand and if you're two timing me, I forgive you. Im sorry to have kept so muh from you and you too are Im sure. Maybe its better if we did not knew eIach other in the very first place. I love you honey. Thatssort of what I told him. I just thinks tht he is lying to me all thse while and I do not thnk that he really cares for me anyway. But I do love him.

I just want to kep my mind on my studies now and just be with my friends cause I find it hard to concentrate on many things at one. I guess it is just me being lik this. Well I had enough too. Anyway, have remedial classe tmr for sceince. And wish all my dnt friends all the best for their exams tmr. Loves.

And I miss you M.E. <3

2007-10-04T12:12:00.000+08:00

So long never blog. I don't feel like blogging anyway. Nothing special happen on this day. I miss someone that badly. Exams coming, cannot concentrate but I really want to pass the exam with good marks. Bought doughnuts from clarke quay. I spend over $70 on them. But I guessed it was worth it cause they are cute. I gave some to M.E and some for my clique but not all of them eat it. Rozana, I'll buy for you some after your fasting finish. Hey bestie!, you promise to go clubbing with me after your o's, ya I'm looking forward to the day. I hope to spend more time with you. M.E, it's was kind of very insulting when you say you want to pay me for the doughnut, when I gave them to you with my sincerity but I don't mind you giving me money for the doughnut. Going for hair treatment tomorrow with Debra,Manyan and Rozana. I'm excited to see my new hair. It won't be frizzy anymore. Yayy :] Hey honey, I wished to spend mor etime with you and I don't think I should be hiding a lot of things from you but some things are just hard to explain. But if one day, if you really knwew what I was keeping from you, I hope you won't mind for what I am and what I'm not.

I'm going bankrupt!!! I spent over $2000 last month and I think I should stop saving man. Wah I guessed today must be a bad day for Debra. She got told off from Mrs Gomezzzz. I wonder why she kept picking on my clique! So irritating la. Anyway what she said abt debra today in class was insulting but I guess debra is optimistic but I hope what Mrs Gomez said about you are not true yeah.

2007-09-17T13:54:00.000+08:00

HAPPY bELATED dEBRA! (=

Happy belated birthday debra. I hope you had fun last week when we were the first few ppl to celebrate your birthday first. hahahah. Well many more years to come to celebrate together yeah. I love you! And good luck for your exams and that your wishes will come true. hEaRTS. <3

M.E i confessed to you everything and you are confussing me you know. I don't know how you feel about it and everything i said to you. Maybe it was all just nonsense. But I don't know why but I still do love you.

Clique next time we go eat sushi together yeah after exams and lets hang around together and of course I hope all of us will do well for exams with high marks. Ilove you clique. heh

2007-09-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

hahaha it's finally my birthday!! I woke up in the morning and found lots of msges. But I don't know why as I was feeling a bit of bitter in me, i actually started crying.

i miss my mum. This year birthday im celebrating it kind of alone. I went out for lunch with my aunts, they bought chocolates cake and it was super creamy and we ate Japanese food again and I ate lots of sashimi. After eating, walk around and took photos and they sent me back home. Though I thought that they would give me some big presents and instead I got some big cash. I was suppose to spent this night with my two of my friends and go drinking but we did not. And today the most surprising thing was that one of my teachers remember my bday and one of my classmates whom i hardly talk to, called me personally to wished me happy bday. That was super sweet. My clique msg me Happy bday, just " Happy bday". But the last person whom msg me from my clique, she said things I ever wanted to hear from and waited for. Tmrw, I'm going out with my bestie and she treating me. But she have to leave early because she told a lie to her mum. And I told her " I just want to spent time with you".

But I still wish I was with my clique. My primary school friends, they ain't free but they making time for me on wednesday to celebrate my belated bday. And I still wish my clique could spare some time to be with me. But I guess they are just busy.

Idk if M.E really did remember my bday after giving her lots of clue or just someone told her. If someone really told her and if its not her whom remember, then it would be breaking. I want to spent at least one day just the two of us before I never see you again. I hate what I saw on Friday but since you explain it to me, I guess I take it easy. IMY.

Afterall, I miss my mum. If not I would be spending time with her tonight. Don't find me greedy, I just want to spent my this special day in a year with everyone I love. Happy bday to myself! Thank you mummy for bringing me up on your own and always letting me get what I want. I wished you are in a happy place where there no worry and trouble and pain.

Iloveyou.

2007-08-31T13:29:00.000+08:00

I don't know whether should I be happy or upset, but I am very upset due to many things. Firstly it because the very very good friend in my heart, doesn't really care how I feel though I do care alot about her. Basically, she's just mean alot to me because though she doesn't care, she still listen to what I say and how I say. Why isit so hard to pleased her, I am not perfect of all or maybe beyond that but I still did not give up on her. No matter how much she hurts me intentionally or unintentionally. I think I'm a failure in everything I try to do. I just hope she will understand me one day. The sooner the better.

My stupid birthday is coming real soon. I don't know whether my clique rmb or not. Like some of them did remember, but I guessed it just a bday with no special reasons to celebrate about because I do not see anybody bothers anyway ever since my mum passed away. My birthday is meaningless bcause I think I'm should not even existing. What should I do on my birthday to forget it is my birthday and I guessed I would be all alone on that day.

M.E said that she cares about me but why do I feel that she does not. (I'm over your smiles, I'm over you asking whether if I'm okay when I'm not) I know I shouldn't love you but I want to. Everytime I see you , you turned away. I shouldn't see you but I cannot look away. This feeling is taking control over me. I tried my best to let go of you but I don't want to. Its hard to be around you and there's so much to say.I don't know how to look fine when I'm not. Cause you are all in my head, I kept thinking all over and over again. I keep picturing you in my mind, I don't know what else to do that it hurts so bad. It's all over and over again.

Why is everything going wrong in my life. I just want to have a simple and better life.It's hard to be me. It's hurt so much that I can't control my emotions anymore. Like I used to say to myself that tomorrow will be a better day.

2007-08-21T10:04:00.000+08:00

Today is Tuesday and time flies damn fast. Today Garett ann did not come school again guess she is sick again or just because she is lazy to come because tuesday is a boring day with four periods of art lessons. After that go home. BORIING.... And Im going bankrupt soon. Got nothing extra left for me to spend only got bills to pay off especially my phone bills. Its over two hundreds... Sigh. Anyway I miss Garett for not coming school today.

I think im giving up M.E soon cause Its time for me to think correctly and face the fact that its all impossible and its all just my illusions and my wishful thoughts. But I try so hard to get closer to her and I try so hard to forget her but I just cant do it. And she still ignoring me and im always lost of words whenever I talk to her or see her. I'll like a fool in front of her and regret not talking to her when have the chance to. Sigh. Im over Im over you.Im over your smiles and laughter and questions. Im over them. You know that I love you but maybe that the reason why you're ignoring till now and knowing both of us having that weird feeling over each other then why cant you just tell it right at my face that you don't even wanna care about me. And its hurting when you pretend that you don't know anything or is it just me thinking too much again. What have you done to me?! I just cant seem to have forgotten you at all. But i guess its my turn now to pretend that im over you! And When you're in front of me next time I'll pretend you're not there cause seeing you will make me feel brokened but not seeing you is just as bad I don't know what I should do but I think just let nature take its own cause.

My burfday coming soon and I hope I;ll get to spend time with everyone equally but mostly myclique if they can even rmb my birthday since its on a weekend. And of cause M.e would not know though she asked me when it was. I left her to guess it herslf. hahah. I hope I'll be happy on that so will everyone and anyone's birthday on the same day as me. hahah. (=

Hope it will all turn out right.

)=

2007-08-13T13:03:00.000+08:00

I had a terrible day today it was like as though my clique had somehting on that I do not know and felt like as thoughm in the dark and left out and it is a terrible feeling I do not like. I felt invisible to them no matter how much attention I tried to get from them today was all to no vail. M.E is also totally ignoring me now and she stop replying my messages. I love her lots and I wish she could understand how I really feel about her and I think its time for me to forget her cause I really wish to be just myself but no matter how hard I try to forget her, I just love her more. The worst is she know I like her and she treating lik a dirt and now I just want to be happy with my friends "clique". Its just that i hate being left out and feeling invisible. Exams coming and I really wish to do well in my exams so that maybe my aunt would be pleased and buy me a laptop. heh. I think im feeling better. But I hate Monday but I hope tmr will be a better day. "Hope so". I still miss my mom ever since she gone everything in my life changed I learnt to be more independent perhaps but my heart ain't healng but it just getting worst and I wish all these nightmares would just end. Well theres a lot of reasons why Im very upset today and I wish things would change for the better.Maybe today is just not my day.I love you lots. And Im gonna starve myself this week. I hate myself.Why do all of you have to treat me like this. It hurts deep down inside I swear. It just hurts badly.