I don't know whether should I be happy or upset, but I am very upset due to many things. Firstly it because the very very good friend in my heart, doesn't really care how I feel though I do care alot about her. Basically, she's just mean alot to me because though she doesn't care, she still listen to what I say and how I say. Why isit so hard to pleased her, I am not perfect of all or maybe beyond that but I still did not give up on her. No matter how much she hurts me intentionally or unintentionally. I think I'm a failure in everything I try to do. I just hope she will understand me one day. The sooner the better.

My stupid birthday is coming real soon. I don't know whether my clique rmb or not. Like some of them did remember, but I guessed it just a bday with no special reasons to celebrate about because I do not see anybody bothers anyway ever since my mum passed away. My birthday is meaningless bcause I think I'm should not even existing. What should I do on my birthday to forget it is my birthday and I guessed I would be all alone on that day.

M.E said that she cares about me but why do I feel that she does not. (I'm over your smiles, I'm over you asking whether if I'm okay when I'm not) I know I shouldn't love you but I want to. Everytime I see you , you turned away. I shouldn't see you but I cannot look away. This feeling is taking control over me. I tried my best to let go of you but I don't want to. Its hard to be around you and there's so much to say.I don't know how to look fine when I'm not. Cause you are all in my head, I kept thinking all over and over again. I keep picturing you in my mind, I don't know what else to do that it hurts so bad. It's all over and over again.

Why is everything going wrong in my life. I just want to have a simple and better life.It's hard to be me. It's hurt so much that I can't control my emotions anymore. Like I used to say to myself that tomorrow will be a better day.

Today is Tuesday and time flies damn fast. Today Garett ann did not come school again guess she is sick again or just because she is lazy to come because tuesday is a boring day with four periods of art lessons. After that go home. BORIING.... And Im going bankrupt soon. Got nothing extra left for me to spend only got bills to pay off especially my phone bills. Its over two hundreds... Sigh. Anyway I miss Garett for not coming school today.

I think im giving up M.E soon cause Its time for me to think correctly and face the fact that its all impossible and its all just my illusions and my wishful thoughts. But I try so hard to get closer to her and I try so hard to forget her but I just cant do it. And she still ignoring me and im always lost of words whenever I talk to her or see her. I'll like a fool in front of her and regret not talking to her when have the chance to. Sigh. Im over Im over you.Im over your smiles and laughter and questions. Im over them. You know that I love you but maybe that the reason why you're ignoring till now and knowing both of us having that weird feeling over each other then why cant you just tell it right at my face that you don't even wanna care about me. And its hurting when you pretend that you don't know anything or is it just me thinking too much again. What have you done to me?! I just cant seem to have forgotten you at all. But i guess its my turn now to pretend that im over you! And When you're in front of me next time I'll pretend you're not there cause seeing you will make me feel brokened but not seeing you is just as bad I don't know what I should do but I think just let nature take its own cause.

My burfday coming soon and I hope I;ll get to spend time with everyone equally but mostly myclique if they can even rmb my birthday since its on a weekend. And of cause M.e would not know though she asked me when it was. I left her to guess it herslf. hahah. I hope I'll be happy on that so will everyone and anyone's birthday on the same day as me. hahah. (=

Hope it will all turn out right.

I had a terrible day today it was like as though my clique had somehting on that I do not know and felt like as thoughm in the dark and left out and it is a terrible feeling I do not like. I felt invisible to them no matter how much attention I tried to get from them today was all to no vail. M.E is also totally ignoring me now and she stop replying my messages. I love her lots and I wish she could understand how I really feel about her and I think its time for me to forget her cause I really wish to be just myself but no matter how hard I try to forget her, I just love her more. The worst is she know I like her and she treating lik a dirt and now I just want to be happy with my friends "clique". Its just that i hate being left out and feeling invisible. Exams coming and I really wish to do well in my exams so that maybe my aunt would be pleased and buy me a laptop. heh. I think im feeling better. But I hate Monday but I hope tmr will be a better day. "Hope so". I still miss my mom ever since she gone everything in my life changed I learnt to be more independent perhaps but my heart ain't healng but it just getting worst and I wish all these nightmares would just end. Well theres a lot of reasons why Im very upset today and I wish things would change for the better.Maybe today is just not my day.I love you lots. And Im gonna starve myself this week. I hate myself.Why do all of you have to treat me like this. It hurts deep down inside I swear. It just hurts badly.

FREEDOM SCRIBBLING!


Your mini data


wishes here
wishy here


CBox recommended :D




August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009


Photobucket CBox color codes Claralogy