You make me hate and love you at the same time, idk if i shoudl love you or hate you cause if i love you and treasures you and when you hurt me, i'll break down. i dont want my love to turn into hate, so i'll hate you? but whatever i don't wanna be close to you cause you don't understand me. i wanna be close to you cause you don't understand me, i wanna be close to you and when i wanna be close to you you weren't by my side, idk what to do days passing is it my expectations high or is it just you? why things have not turned better why did things turn worst? tick tock! the clock turning. will it stop and freez and let me turn back to the times i was wrong and not close to you. i don't regret but you're hurting me cause you kept doing this i don't like yet again and again knowingly.

Why? Why do you still do things when you know it will still upset me? why? and when you did it. you're seemed avoiding me and that hurts me more, all i want is you to tell me the truth and even though you're not close to me, i wish you would be pretend to be nice and would not hurt me anyway anyhow. idk how to explain, but would try to be understanding like you always do?

Okaye i finally changed blog skin cause friends said it was too complicated. the previous one so changed to something simpler. keep reading my blog to understand me more, today went out had fun? it replaced all my unhappiness in just hours cause it was friends whom were with me :)

Okaye, idk im very angry inside cause i feel very upset and its turning into anger, fuck shit, my life sucks! why the hell my life suck so much?! You know what?! i give up my heart contains all of everyone, now idk if im wasting my time loving cause i dont think you guys do anyway, i feel stupid dumbbut why why must my hatred over come everything?! fuck idk what else to say. and idk i think my friends " clique" hate me. i've only got al the bad points about me inside them as in they only know my negative sides its all fuck shit why am i so pissed maybe cause i know im lost but i find myself hiding the way i feel most of the times cause i dont want my friends to ask me why am i thinking too much or why am i venting my anger again. i care how they feel cause they are my friends?! god take away all my troubles? and you know what. yeah, im a loser, failure im just nothing with just a name i fucking pissed off, now im wishing someone would cheer me up well i guess that would never happen?! show me that im all wrong? i just wanna walk away and i wanna have memory lost everyday and start everyday new. im tired of living this way staying home with those two ppl, sucks fuck fuck fuck! everything around doesn't seems going right.

Today did nothing actually. Stayed home and rot. Idk why but it seems i no longer exist in my friends anymore. School gonna open, idk if i should be excited or what cause all those sucking up here and there starting. Idk if im right or isit just simply jealously but some suck up then very irritating, venting anger on one another and others stuff and yeah, im only hoping things would get better, prudence dear dont be angry anymore alright. cheer up and forget about the bad side alright, its all wrong, and we all know. Anyway, i dont even know if you're gonna read this neither the others. i dont think they even remember me anymore. i hate myself for everything, for not having a better relationship with my loved ones. i dk idk how to explain it all. i miss almost everyone but i doubt they do anyway. do you guys still love/care abt me anymore? idk if anyone of you are counted as my friends or count me as one. i dont even know if im still in you guy's eyes. hmm actually i dont think you guys will understand anyway. and i dont even know where i stand or im just someone else. idk i feel very lonely in this world. everyone got someone but i dont seem to have anyone. idk what else to do anyway.

Idk baby idk anything at all neither do I want to know anything that would hurt me so much. Just treat me the way you used to. Leon fooled me. No i got fooled by Leon. Clique I miss. And prudence, Don't be angry anymore alright. I love you. I love you prudence, Man yan , Garett and so on....

Im went Garett's house today because I find it hard and suffocating staying at home. cause those ppl treats me like I don't exists.This morning called Rozana but she had sore throat. Poor her. Must take care of yourself alright Rozana. Talked to man yan to made her do something. heheh though I was thick skin. Called prudence eve but she did not pick up my phone call. Probably sleeping. I ate a lot today. a lot. non stop of supper and everything. Today was fun. Talked to man yan on 3G and it was wacky. Well, everything was just simply fun today. Mangoes, are you all free on Monday? I know you all are bankrupt but then I miss you all and want to meet up at least once? Actually im bankrupt too after paying all the bills I have too. hmmm, Maybe we'll just try doing something else like swimming? heheh. Exercise together would be fun too. hahaha burn burn burn all the fats. hahah. I want to meet BAby!!!!! I miss him a lotssss. But Idk what to do or perhaps how to ask him out. I miss him!

Idk whats wrong with me and my life, it all turning upside down. Nothing seems going right. So many things can happen to me be it holiday or not. Sigh. I'm very tired. Will troubles go away and I just want to have fun but not forgetting the less fortunate ppl in all those natural disaster. I hate being so sensitive over everything. Pppl say im senstitive or isit just them being insensitive. Idk and i hate myself for always taking things seriously unlike some who can take things lightly.

My friends seems to be having their own things seems like they dont have anytime for me. Idk if some care for me or not. Sigh. And, idk if some treat me as a friend or something else but i think i do know who will be there on my darkest times hope my thoughts are not wrong.

And one more thing is that i dislikes ppl lying to me and not talking what i've said seriously.
I'm hurting inside day and night. Troubles just kept probing me all the time. Every moment i'm breaking inside.

I wish my friends were by my side and shoulder to cry on and someone to hug and so not to feel lonely.
And one last thing is that, idk what i said to you that you dont understand it was hard for me saying because i treasure the every friendship and it was hard for me saying it and in fact, it was weird but i dont want to lose you coause you were the one that understand sort of and you were the one i always love talking to and of course we bicket at times but i just dont know why i still love being around you though you made me upset at times and sort of like play with my emotions. Idk if you know what im talkign about and if it is about you alright.

And another thing to me is that, on the outside i dont seems i care but deep down i do.
And baby i miss you. You're killing with the way you always look at me. I wanna be with you but idk how. :(

FREEDOM SCRIBBLING!


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