I don't know whether should I be happy or upset, but I am very upset due to many things. Firstly it because the very very good friend in my heart, doesn't really care how I feel though I do care alot about her. Basically, she's just mean alot to me because though she doesn't care, she still listen to what I say and how I say. Why isit so hard to pleased her, I am not perfect of all or maybe beyond that but I still did not give up on her. No matter how much she hurts me intentionally or unintentionally. I think I'm a failure in everything I try to do. I just hope she will understand me one day. The sooner the better.
My stupid birthday is coming real soon. I don't know whether my clique rmb or not. Like some of them did remember, but I guessed it just a bday with no special reasons to celebrate about because I do not see anybody bothers anyway ever since my mum passed away. My birthday is meaningless bcause I think I'm should not even existing. What should I do on my birthday to forget it is my birthday and I guessed I would be all alone on that day.
M.E said that she cares about me but why do I feel that she does not. (I'm over your smiles, I'm over you asking whether if I'm okay when I'm not) I know I shouldn't love you but I want to. Everytime I see you , you turned away. I shouldn't see you but I cannot look away. This feeling is taking control over me. I tried my best to let go of you but I don't want to. Its hard to be around you and there's so much to say.I don't know how to look fine when I'm not. Cause you are all in my head, I kept thinking all over and over again. I keep picturing you in my mind, I don't know what else to do that it hurts so bad. It's all over and over again.
Why is everything going wrong in my life. I just want to have a simple and better life.It's hard to be me. It's hurt so much that I can't control my emotions anymore. Like I used to say to myself that tomorrow will be a better day.